Daniel Robin & Associates

Making Workplaces Work Better

Keyword:  Handling Differences

Once goals are established, differences can be handled in a business-like manner.  Without concrete goals to guide your attempts to "work out" differences, anything can happen (and it usually does):  conflict based on miscommunication, useless conversations about where our relationship isn't strong and could become a liability, or accusations and blame about the other person's uncooperative behavior ... all lead to frustration and needless distraction.  By being clear on your goal for any conversation, you start to open up choices on how to reach that goal without bumping heads.  In so doing, you can maintain enough rapport to get things done with relationships intact.

Our models of handling differences emphasize keeping the perceived level of conflict low enough that positive results can be obtained through collaboration and win-win negotiation.  If our differences escalate into seemingly irresolvable problems, then the process has broken down.  This is likely due to one or more of the following:

a) there's an assumption that both parties cannot find mutual gain or cannot somehow curtail any further difficulty ... the limited belief that the situation is somehow irresolvable.  In my experience, this simply means that I'm stuck in the cage of limited options, and I need to escape those limitations by gaining some perspective... taking a healthy "time out" to step back and re-evaluate.

b) one or both of us are not acting skillfully ... perhaps trying to "be right" in order to make the other person wrong (right-wrong thinking) or getting into blaming the other party ... or perhaps trying to negotiate over mutually exclusive positions ("I can only get what I want if I prevent you from getting what you want..."). It is unwise to negotiate over positions; instead, ask yourself and the other party what the stated position "would do for you?"   This reveals underlying interests, and that's what leads to options and alternatives -- there are usually many ways of satisfying a particular interest, while a position is closer to a "take it or leave" ultimatum.

b) one or both parties are not clear about what they want.   This leads to circular thinking, confusion, uncertainty, doubt & fear ...

The core competency for handling differences is being able to notice and use resistance as feedback.

Articles:

Six Keys to Handling Resistance

Rapport: The Link to Gaining Cooperation

Seven Steps to Handling Interpersonal Differences -- Keys to Negotiating with Power and Grace

The Reactionary Tango: Turning Opposition to Understanding through Aikido

Seven Attitudes to Dissolve Conflicts

Helping the Emergence of Co-operative Work

Relevant Skills or Coursework: 

• All negotiation and conflict resolution skills
• Separating interpretations from observable facts
• Healthy boundaries and walking the line between assertive and aggressive

Short presentation available:  Yes; Length: 1-2 hrs.

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