Category Archives: Leading Change

Recognizing Talent – key traits for hiring and promoting

“It’s not about whether candidates have the right skills, it’s [more] about whether they have the potential to learn new ones.”    – Claudio Fernández-Aráoz

To recruit, promote and keep talent, it turns out that adaptability, capacity to learn, and constructive use of imagination are more important than knowledge.  Einstein was right.  But the master skill of “learning how to learn” can be the ultimate win-win for both workers (whether employees or contractors) and companies.

We use a classic 2014 HBR article as a guidepost for successful team member recruitment:  hbr.org/2014/06/21st-century-talent-spotting. The following traits, capabilities or aptitudes are more important than any particular domain expertise or skill.  These are the true indicators of talent, and the characteristics we look for in recruiting and recognizing our team members:

  1. Curiosity – a penchant for seeking out new experiences, knowledge, and candid feedback [from and for others], as well as an openness to learning and change.
  2. Insight – the ability to gather and make sense of information that suggests new possibilities.
  3. Engagement – a knack for using emotion and logic to communicate a persuasive vision and connect with people
  4. Determination – the wherewithal to fight for difficult goals despite challenges and to bounce back from adversity.

Can these four traits be honed and developed or are they more innate?  One key is knowing your learning style and ability to learn and apply learning in the heat of the moment, in cooperation with others (interpersonally as well as between groups or companies) and over time.  In that sense, these four traits become core competencies and skills unto themselves, a useful indicator of future success.

The point is that experience can be overrated.  Increasingly, the past just does not equal the future.  Agility is more important than history.  Certainly the interpersonal behaviors that are the so-called “soft” skills, such as the ones that enable us to flex and flow with what is happening in the moment, and serve as cooperative “team player” are required nowadays.  The ability to move harmoniously with others, however, is just not enough.  Key is to remain focused on True North and not get hooked or distracted when encountering obstacles, setbacks, unskillful actions by others, seeming conflict, adversity or if the world just seems to be “falling down around us”.

At times like these, and in efforts to collaborate well with others who just can’t seem to take responsibility for the whole, there can be even more learning, born of fresh insights gained from apparent differences, non-constructive attitudes, resistance or roadblocks. We humans are not immune to a certain type of myopia, born of experience, where the past experience is precluding the imagination needed to come up with an innovative solution.  Why?  Because it is easier to learn than to unlearn.

To envision something new, step one is to put aside the picture of what’s already known. But if someone else brings you a new idea that is radically different than what had been planned, what do you do?  Listen for awhile then offer a “Yes, but [that’s not what we’re doing here]” push-back as a form of resistance to being thrown off track?  Flowing at times also means self-correcting to regain focus at the right moments, or tying in seemingly disparate elements, or handling concerns and objectives without trying to ruin the idea itself.  Otherwise, if you only go with the flow, you could end up drifting into a “pleasant distraction” that just wastes precious time.  Allowing time for tangents is healthy, but how much is enough?

And how do you know the difference between imaginative, divergent thinking, headed toward value, and just getting off track?  Most organizations have either a vision and mission plus a well- established set of core, governing values, or specific goals, critical success factors or strategic imperatives that can be referenced as True North.  These serve as a tie-breaker when each party is being heard.  The sense that others are listening to our ideas, even if they’re not yet convinced of the merit or utility of those ideas, keeps the perceived level of conflict low enough that cooperation is still possible.

If that’s not the case for you or your workplace, take time out to establish such guideposts and you’ll avoid having to figure out later why too many of the so-called “good ideas” end up becoming tangential time-wasters.  Are you talking with or at one another?

Everybody has off days, so this isn’t about being perfect. If you react with resistance or get hooked by an idea that does not seem to have merit, do not lose momentum by letting that ruin the future value that such a moment contains.  Get unhooked, get back on the horse, and keep riding toward True North.  Blessed are the resilient as they shall inherit the earth.  Or something like that.

Are these four talent indicators enough?

They’re a good start, but in practice they are very hard to assess.  There is not a lot of psychological research to provide easy tests, like the classic 4-year-old’s one cookie now versus two cookies in 10 minutes, so on-the-job experience and performance reviews are where the truth is told.  In other words, measure results over time and find out.  Cultures vary, as do systems of rewards, with some committed to getting results “at any cost,” while for others the rules of engagement and principles come first, and not getting the desired results is fine if a sincere effort is in evidence.

Sometimes a highly valued trait (appreciation of flow and harmony, for example) can become a liability, as differences get swept under the table, and if left there, eventually become undiscussable.  A strength becomes a liability, or at least a lost opportunity, if it gets overused, thus the notion of “playing to someone’s strengths” is only useful in theory.  For example, capturing a vision with both emotion and logic but failing to communicate that vision effectively, to make it a shared vision, is the notorious downside of visionary leaders that don’t have their feet on the ground.  Visioning may be a strength, prized and rewarded at times, but execution must accompany that strength, through the ability to connect with others, by leveraging the talents of others, as the full expression of the business trait.

Leaders that stop short of gaining widespread acceptance of a company-wide vision will often get frustrated when things go sideways.  If they put harmony ahead of results, and do not go the distance to involve those who don’t easily share in the vision, at first, it can backfire, as underground competition, or “skunkworks” can get sparked up that drains resources unproductively.

In practice, there’s much more to successful hiring and development than the above four traits, of course, but you can get pretty far with building a culture that embraces and uses them as part of training and advancement criteria.

In addition, an alignment of mission or purpose and core values, mentioned above, is also essential, because you just can’t mandate caring. You cannot demand passion or perseverance.  External rewards won’t do it.  Motivation has to come primarily from within, based on a sense of contribution, shared priorities, or common principles. You or others might employ good parts of both emotion and logic to communicate a persuasive vision, but people will “walk into” that vision and make it shared (or not) in their own way, on their own authority.  If they don’t support it, at best you can ask them to do some work to find a way to make it supportable.

Why?  Not every vision reflects an alignment of values with the individual’s own sense of prioritie.s  Values are not something you chose.  They’re endemic.  They pick you.  Principles like honesty and integrity, or a vision of the future (say, climate change mitigation) makes some topics or industries almost sacred while others are completely uninteresting or even offensive. That’s the power of values.  They must be aligned to an adequate extent, especially among senior managers, or there will be a falling out, eventually.

Other competencies include leadership, self-management, business skills like strategic orientation, awareness of how markets work, collaboration skills (see #3, above), developing others, communication of course, and change management, which is effectively the purpose of 1-4, the capacity to transform and align around a new goal or strategic directions.

How to manage complexities that seem insurmountable

It might not be possible to interview talent with a knack for finding the simple path through the often-convoluted landlines of most business dealings.  But those that can simplify, aggregate, look for patterns, discover the keys, the core, the maker/breakers often also possess the business skills that can be beneficially applied as a leader of their own work or in leading others. These four traits underpin the personalities that have the best odds of success.  Interview questions we often use to discover such talent, also key points for effective collaborators:

  • How do you react when someone challenges you?
  • How do you invite input from others on your team?
  • What do you do to broaden your thinking, experience, or personal development?
  • How do you foster learning in your own day, your team, your organization?
  • What steps do you take to seek out to explore the unknown, to discover something novel?

We ask for examples and specific situations that capture the essence of inspiration, motivation, insight, engagement, and determination. Your conversations with managers, colleagues, and direct reports who know the person well should be just as detailed.

New Rules for Communication @ Work

By Daniel Robin

This article describes a set of new rules for effective workplace communication in an ever-changing economy. It assumes that you are part of a high-performing organization that values innovation, participation (collaborative vs. command-and-control styles of leadership), mutual accountability and, to some extent, sustainability. Doesn’t sound like your workplace? Perhaps that’s part of your interest in this topic, for your own leadership or to influence the leaders.

Either way, awareness of these rules and corresponding tools to implement them will help make you more indispensable and increase your enjoyment at work.

Why do we need new rules anyway? Much has changed in recent years, spelling out new expectations. With all the turmoil and dislocation lately, there’s probably no such thing as “business as usual” anymore. New ethical and interpersonal standards are needed.

Here are the dynamic dozen:

  1. Get off my cloud! Boundaries are real
  2. Give up the need to control others
  3. Outrageous mutuality
  4. Stop talking [and other activities] into the wind
  5. Be real to get real
  6. Be like them
  7. Be transparent, not defensive
  8. No Whining, No Blaming
  9. Use a light touch
  10. Give to Get
  11. Be Your Word and honor commitments
  12. Respect time

The purpose is to get more of what you want, and have that hold up over time. To have quality of life at work without getting fired. To head off interpersonal friction before it becomes a problem. To deliver more value with less effort, and enjoy commensurate rewards.

In societal terms, perhaps the result of decades of living “unsustainably,” buying into myths and illusions that we are perfectly in control of our future (hint: nature does have a say), or perhaps due to “sensibility impairment” by those in charge about the path to a sustainable society, our compass must be recalibrated to again point to True North (hint: don’t buy real estate in low-lying coastal zones for awhile — at least not without flood insurance).

Stock markets and climate events (and thus investors and residents) seem more vulnerable to sudden, unpredictable changes than ever in history.  In the current political climate, “true stories” has become an oxymoron. What do you believe?  I believe we’ll have to wait for this storm to pass.

This moronic complexity seems emblematic of the need for a better understanding of what governs both built and natural environments.  Most of us cannot do much about the computers that are the probable cause of runaway stock exchanges, but we can take responsibility for our own interpersonal exchanges. Let’s take stock of these proposed new rules, one at a time.  The goal is to instill both resilience in the face of change and prevention (heading off bigger problems or seizing opportunities) at the right time.  A variation on changing what we can and accepting what we cannot.

Some of these rules may be familiar (classics in the making), some more exotic. They are all useful in certain contexts, and with practice you will be better prepared for whatever comes at you next. And what is that, you ask? What comes next? Since none of us knows, exactly, what better response is there than to gather new tools and make them available for when you need them most. Study and practice in this regard will open up new options, new avenues, greater flexibility and focus in your response to any situation.  As the saying goes, “choice is better than no choice. ”

For reference, we define collaborative leadership as the capacity and skill of working together to shape our collective future, and to sustain the process of change required to do so. Sustainability is “the possibility that humans and other life will flourish on Earth forever,” says John Ehrenfeld, a pioneer in the field of industrial ecology.

Many of the old rules for doing business have turned to dust, such as “shareholders come first.” Do they really? What would BP say to that? What if there are no longer any shareholders because the value of those shares suddenly vaporized? The old rules – and conventionality itself, it seems –no longer applies.

With a toxic vinaigrette now floating around the Gulf of Mexico, looking for a parking place, some new rules seem in order. I’m not suggesting the lack of these rules caused this unpecedented disaster, but I am saying that screwed-up communication may have been part of it. “I thought you said it was fail-safe!” “No, I said we’d be safe if it failed.”

We cannot do much about exploding oil platforms or computers that are the probable cause of runaway stock exchanges, but we can take responsibility for our own exchanges. Let’s take stock of these dozen new rules as a platform for getting more of what we all want:

1. Get off my cloud! Boundaries are real, even if you can’t see or touch them. Our expectations about adequate “personal space” – our tolerance of inquiries about your life outside of work, for example – vary greatly from one person to another. For you, it may be fine to share what you did over the weekend, but for another, absolutely none of your business. How you treat others can be interpreted as a sign of keen interest and empathy or as an invasion of personal privacy. Either way, pay careful attention. This and other boundaries deserve your respect. For example, a cooperative work relationship can quickly turn sour if you unwittingly step over a boundary and refuse to apologize at the perceived offense. So what if you needed a pen and raided a colleague’s desk without their permission … for that colleague, their desk is a sacred “safe space” away from a turbulent home life, not an office supply store. When knew?!

2. Give up the need to control others. As far as illusions go, control is one of the best, but it is also overrated. We all want to be “in control” of ourselves, our lives, and the things that happen along the way. Good luck with that. Gone are the days of having a tidy plan for, well, almost anything that involves other people, and a lock-step linear path to those end results. Okay, those days never existed. So what do you do with your fierce need to control?

a) Instead of buying into illusions (a form of magical thinking, but if that works for you …), you can practice moving with what’s happening in the moment, especially at first. Note that may be sharply divergent from what you think you wanted, or what you initially intended. This “moving with” keeps you tuned up for change. Listen to points of view that you think are just plain off, misguided, wrong-headed, … and see if you can accept even if you cannot agree. This practice will radically increase your adaptability, flexibility, agility. “Blessed are the flexible for they shall not get bent out of shape.”

b) How do you achive this ideal? One way is to Go slow to go faster. If you take time to meet someone where they are, rather than expecting them to come to you, you’ll get a better result.

3. Outrageous mutuality: Take responsibility for maintaining two-way dialogue. No victims here. Skillful listening is certainly useful, to a point. There are clearly limits, and you own setting them for yourself. If the other person talks and talks … continues talking right over you, even when you want to respond, it is on you to interrupt with something like “I hold myself accountable to actually hearing what’s important. I got lost back there.” Or simply “May I respond?”

Consumer protection warning: If someone begins to bore you with an elaborate story about which you care nada, interrupt early, explaining that you are “not available” for that. Do it before you start to feel resentful. Do it with a light heart and a feather. If all else fails, change the subject.

4. Stop talking [and other activities] into the wind. “Is anybody out there?” Talk less, listen more. Ask questions and dig for answers you can use. Be curious and interested in what other people think and know. If negotiating, FIND OUT what they want first, if possible. Leverage that toward all-win agreements if you want them to last.

5. Be real to get real. When in conversation, don’t just be “nice” to please the other party, be real. Being real includes taking turns to get and give information, but it also includes being up front about goals and intentions. What do you really want? What about the other party? Do you have a common basis for being in conversation let alone for making a lasting agreement? No interest in their story? Say so up front. The secret is how. {Maybe “no secrets” should be #5a?}

6. Be like them. Be yourself, of course, but you can also stretch over, at times, to be more like them. If you are truly yourself, you get an “A” for authenticity, but without this attention to the other person, you might also get a “D” for defended and dysfunctional from your conversation partner. How many times have you heard someone say “Interrupt if this gets boring”? or “I know I talk too much, but …” What do you do when you hear something that offends you? How do you handle interpersonal friction in the moment? If your attention is truly on them, and you know that this is a conversation, where you take turns, you can let the other person be fully understood before asking for the same courtesy. It is the psychology of negotiation – people listen better once they’ve been listened to. If you are having a hard time understanding where they are coming from, you’re not paying attention or asking enough questions. Get off your own map and get on theirs. Ask, “Are we in New Jersey?” and make sure you are indeed approximating mutual understanding.

7. Be transparent, not defensive: “I am not defensive!” Right. Admit mistakes, or at least the possibility of a mistake. Acknowledge that there are some things you do not know; seek input and counsel from others. It’s hip to not have all the answers. Customers and employees want to see “behind the curtain.” They want to understand your thought process, the policies, plans, and products you rejected as well as those you proudly launch. Some companies carry this to an extreme and regularly publish sustainability reports, detailing their accomplishments but also their gaps. Cleverly enough, sustainability reporting and the process of organizing the teamwork, processes, metrics and data (content of the report), is part of our offer of services.

Sidebar: For many companies, large and small, Sustainability Reports (and the periodic reporting process) became the framework for action – the “what to do” on the path to sustainability. In that sense, reports become a strategic management tool. The performance aspects come into play when management realizes that they can significantly impact results by observing key indicators and using them to dynamically shift practices such as inventory levels, energy and other resource use cycles, labor and turnover costs, etc.

8. No Whining, No Blaming. Blame went out of style in the 1980’s … and whose fault is that?! If you are transparent and responsible for the results you get, there is no blame, there is no failure, there is only feedback and learning. Definitely no need to whine. Instead, design. Rather than blame, aim toward goals. Sniveling and complaining is definitely out. Got an issue, here’s a tissue.

9. Use a light touch. You can usually deliver heavy news without being heavy handed. Someone breaks a rule, you break a fingernail, nothing more. If you can avoid threatening more severe bodily harm, and try not to run over people, that usually helps, too. Apparently, it is now somewhat culturally acceptable, at least in the West, to mix business with pleasure. Maybe it has always been, and I’m just late the party. In any case, lighthearted videos, fun quizzes, and offbeat content is rapidly moving from acceptable to essential. Not in every situation, of course, but most of the time, humor will help get your message across and make it longer lasting, more vital and viral.

10. Give to Get. Hardball negotiating tactics go over like a lead balloon. “My way or the highway!” ultimatums usually don’t get you anything but more resistance. Take a hint from bloggers and Web 2.0 culture, which is based on generosity, where people believe that no good deed goes unrewarded. It’s a new mindset for certain organizations, but an indispensable one. Even if you and your firm must be seen as hardliners, holding strong to principles and boundaries, no need to show up as hard on people. Be hard on the issues and generous and you’ll win more often and have those agreements work out in the long run.

11. Be Your Word and honor commitments. This one is age-old, timeless and not to be underestimated. The currency of most relationships is based on whether your “word is your bond.” In other words, be trustworthy – that is, worthy of trust. Follow through on your personal and professional commitments to your colleagues. If your reputation at work is ever on the line, your co-workers will be more likely to reserve judgment and grant you the benefit of doubt…just when you need it the most. What else do you have but your word? What matters more to upholding your reputation?

12. Respect time. Some people you work with are social animals who enjoy the banter and casual conversation that goes on in every office. Others can live without it – they just want results. Notice the rhythm and ease with which co-workers exchange pleasantries with you (or not), and engage them up to but not exceeding their comfort zones. This ties back to #6, be like them. Notice their body language before it becomes a point of irritation or annoyance. Learn to anticipate. When they get antsy or start glancing at their watch, it is probably over the line and no longer a sign of respect. Check in often and trust your intuition.

Do not attend a meeting without a clear up-front agenda. When things start to wrap up, summarize and check to see if there’s anything else to cover … don’t let the meeting just fizzle and run out of steam. Meetings are often over long before most people leave the room. Call a meeting complete and hang out socially if that’s what you want, but don’t drag others into your (or fall prey to others’) squishy boundaries.

Collaborative Workplace Advantage

By Daniel Robin

In our workshops, we emphasize the skills of participatory management and collaborative leadership.  With collaborative approaches – in contrast with one-way, autocratic or dictatorial – leaders at all levels use an inclusive style that balances assertiveness (focus on goal or task achievement) with gaining cooperation and commitment (flexibility and consideration in relating to others).

There are several sharp advantages to this approach and (the best part) there are no significant downsides, except perhaps an upfront investment of time that is perpetually scarce.  This is one of the few areas of business where there are no real tradeoffs or conflicts of interest:  if you include people and treat them with respect, you won’t pay a price (it doesn’t cost you or the company any more); in fact, inclusion and participation makes for a better, more enjoyable and productive workplace.

Let’s say I have a project deadline this Friday, but I haven’t yet received key information from another departments.  I made the request last week, but I’m not getting them to uphold my timeline.  (The nerve! They think they have better things to do!?!)  Sure, they understand how important this is (to me), but so far, no accommodation.  It turns out that, apparently, I didn’t include them early enough in the project to get their full buy-in.  Trying to negotiate now starts to sound like begging or blame.  I can appeal to their “team spirit” and espouse “all win” platitudes, but this push-pull dynamic will, at best, end in compromise:  I’ll probably get what I need a bit too late, and they’ll grumble at having to postpone other work to deliver our precious data.

What works better? If I had brought them in as partners and established an up front, early agreement, it would likely save us both time and trouble in the long-run.  Nicknamed “go slow to go fast,” including others at the right time doesn’t require extra time (though you may perceive that it is a cost, with skill, it is in fact an investment), nor is it giving in to their wishes at your expense.  It is simply more effective, and clears the runway for future sustained success.

Might Makes … A Mess

Sure, you can still force “cooperation,” especially if you have positional power, but why needlessly risk backlash, resentment or substandard results.  Since no one person can have all the answers, the chain-of-command approach often “orders” mediocre quality.  “I did what you told me to do” (unstated subtext:  “so you get what you deserve”).

Understanding other people and using your “soft skills” doesn’t make you a “soft” leader.  Quite to the contrary, in fact; with practice, collaborative approaches can be more powerful, enabling you to lead more strongly and quickly toward the desired results.  The more rapport you have, for example, the more room there is for intensity and passion in leading strongly toward your goals, even and especially if there’s disagreement about methods or priorities.  This is simply because there’s more of a genuine win-win when the other person feels included, consulted, respected.

Interpersonally, you can be more directive once you demonstrate that their views have been acknowledged.  It’s the core psychology of negotiation: we listen better once we’ve been heard.

Since You Asked

In subtle but powerful ways, asking questions takes the attention off you and opens a more collaborative, two-way exchange.  Effective leaders use a coaching approach to draw out the other person’s answers and make abundant use of that person’s will and wisdom.  Employees and executives both appreciate skillful facilitation and coaching as a “best practice” for bringing focus and a sense of partnership to projects and goals.

To collaborate, so-called “emotional intelligence” is no oxymoron. People skills are the maker-breaker for those wishing to succeed in business and advance in their career.  However, be sure not to spend time discussing issues in depth that do not deserve it, and be aware that not everyone knows how nor necessarily values collaboration.

Due to the unpredictable and chaotic nature of human interactions, skillful collaboration creates a context, a “social environment” that allows people’s differences to be the source of strength and unity rather than stress and conflict.

But what makes collaboration possible in the first place?  See the next article.

Difficult Behaviors at Work: Part 1

The Difficulty with Difficult People (Who, no rx me?)

By Daniel Robin

Each of us has a “difficult” person hiding inside. Some have it well hidden and only let it out on rare occasions – unleashing it at the driver of another car, viagra or during competitive sports, capsule or as a familiar loop with a family member. Still others, despite best efforts at self-control, are just one step away from being the case study at some workshop on difficult personality types.

Thankfully, few candidates for “impossible person of the year” ever get to positions of power (notable exception: Dilbert’s boss), and most of our tendencies to cause a fuss or get belligerent can be channeled into something constructive. However, nobody’s perfect, and when the trouble comes, a quick recovery – resilience – is a key workplace aptitude.

I Am Not Difficult!!

Of course, it’s much easier to recognize when someone else is being difficult (like when they screw up and try to blame you for it). How do you now handle what I’ll call workplace P.E.W. – “persistent, exasperating weirdness.” PEW!

For instance, how can you deal with “dishonest” behavior, such as lying, theft, etc.? It does no good to assume that someone is acting suspicious (or paranoid…), as that simply creates an endless loop that will perpetuate more of what you don’t want, wasting time, draining energy. Assuming someone is stealing won’t help you reach the goal of stopping the pattern of PEW.

This explains why it is not helpful to label people as difficult (no matter how difficult they are). Unconsciously, we’ll begin putting people into buckets – “Oh, he’s just a complainer,” “She is an intimidator…” and somehow expecting them to be that way. See if you can detect your self-talk chiding you, asking “Are they going to do that thing I hate?” Remember the original goal.

When You’re a Hammer

I’m not suggesting they don’t deserve the label, but only that it can cause trouble due to the “hammer-nail” syndrome. This syndrome implies that if your most familiar tool is a hammer, the whole world starts to look like a nail. So if you study and learn how to deal with complainers, you’ll be likely to look for that behavior so you can smack it – bang, bang. Now what?

Changing unwanted behaviors into constructive ones usually involves attention and some sort of an intervention by you, by a representative of management, or by a third party agent. If the person is being asked to stop using verbal put-downs, for example, be sure to include what they are to do instead (as basic as that may sound): help them develop a new skill or ability to transfer the positive intent behind the put-downs into something that communicates that intention. Tapping into motives and intentions will make for an easier and more productive conversation than simply saying “See, you’re doing it again … knock it off.”

Build a Strong Culture and the Leaders will Emerge

Have you noticed how “difficult” people – and the difficult situations they inspire – travel in herds? Fortunately, there’s a predictable pattern to most workplace weirdness. Unfortunately, by the time that pattern reveals itself, getting back to zero takes considerable work (not to mention patience and skill). To avoid the hammer-nail syndrome, an effective business strategy is to focus on fostering an environment where “difficult” behaviors are systematically discouraged.

Clear, willful agreements and precise accountability systems are the lens through which most difficult behaviors are discouraged, which frees people up from having to be “on guard” to instead focus on strengths, solid commitments, recognition and results.

As people tend to model what they see others doing – not what they hear espoused as corporate philosophy, but what they actually see demonstrated each day – effective people management and leadership skills are a key to fostering such an environment. This sets the tone and leads by encouragement, not fear.

For instance, it works better to bring peer pressure to bear on workplace issues like dishonesty and theft. To explain how such behavior hurts everyone will start to establish a social norm – a behavior standard, or code of conduct – that indirectly informs each worker of “how things are done around here.” Such an effort will reduce the chances that the organization will develop “difficult” people in the first place while circumventing troublesome behaviors before they spread.

Part 2 gives strategies for handling difficult behaviors and your responses to them. Follow this next link to view a related articled entitled “The Gentle Art of Confrontation,” a practical look at how to get people to actually hear bad news, or click below for Part 2:

Whose Stuff Is It?
Dealing with Difficult Workplace Behaviors, Part 2

Fear: Part 3

Three Faces of Fear in the Workplace

By Daniel Robin

The previous article brought workplace fear into the spotlight – not so we could keep a watchful eye on it while getting paranoid, ambulance but so we can begin to turn it into mutual gain. How? Understand it’s many faces: this article pinpoints the types of fear that zap productivity and cause needless suffering, sale providing tools to move forward despite it.

We all bring our personal history to our workplace relationships. Many of us learned “fear tactics” from our parents, cheap who, with good intentions and limited options, used threats to get us to obey their authority. Unfortunately, when such authority is imposed upon us, it not only destroys morale and keeps organizations from moving forward, but left unaddressed, leads to office politics, turf wars, entrenched negativity, and eventually a fight-or-flight response that doesn’t work for anybody.

In many workplaces, an unfortunate pattern starts when employees are afraid to ask questions or take a position. These faces will help you get familiar with the complex and often intangible sources of fear, and thereby invite new options for getting free of it.

Are there different “types” of fear? Is there a form of fear that could be helpful? Have you ever considered whether there’s anything good about fear?

What’s Good About Fear?

Would it surprise you to know that many executives quietly believe that fear is “good” – or inadvertently cause fear in others in an attempt to motivate? Is fear an effective motivational tool? Though it may yield short-term gains, it always has a downside, is manipulative and disruptive, and often backfires. Most short-term practices produce negative results in the long run, as shown in the AQF study; externally imposed fear is simply destructive … it either inhibits or causes overreaction such as knee-jerk resistance.

Instead of extrinsic motivation, demonstrate leadership by tapping into the vast ocean of intrinsic motivaters; people are already motivated, and wise leaders need only harness what already exists. People are far more likely to go the extra mile when they see a demonstrated concern for employee well-being – not the often-heard “You’d better … or else … and that’s final.”

On the other hand, fear that comes from within you – such as a concern that you might not meet a deadline you voluntarily agreed to – produces discomfort or anxiety and if it doesn’t cause overwhelm, will inspire action. Manageable fear acts as the fuel for improvement. It propels us forward and helps us move through stuck points or shy away from hazards. A permanent “comfort zone,” where neither fear nor excitement is experienced, is not conducive to personal growth or peak performance. No crisis or challenge, no risk-taking, no results, no rewards…

When fear is self-imposed – that is, when you or I sign up for it – then it is more often a natural part of learning. But if I’m concerned about being judged or penalized or fired … I’m not going to learn, and I might not even hang around, let alone perform well.

So if we can fully commit to building a workplace culture where externally-imposed fear is headed for extinction, we’ll all win.

Anything causing you angst at work? How about the people around you? Unless you work entirely on your own, chances are good that one or more fear-based patterns exist that, if addressed skillfully, could make your work much more enjoyable and improve results company-wide.

Fear’s cause can be recognized in one of three faces or masks. : (1) a judging face, (2) an unknown face (a faceless mask that causes uncertainty), and (3) a face that we can see, but don’t dare talk about. The purpose: recognize each face so it can be turned to your advantage.

(1) The Face of Judgment

A judging, critical face, sometimes angry, out to make us wrong, confronts us by getting right in our face. This face speaks and points an accusational, parental finger.

The FUD factor (Fear, Uncertainty & Doubt) kicks in big time when we are judged harshly, as it brings up defensiveness, making it difficult to learn or focus on solving problems.

What can you do in response? Remain centered and responsive to the message or “feedback” this face has to deliver – that’s all you need be responsible for. Get the information, acknowledge and understand intentions, and the transaction stops there. If it’s not too much of a stretch, practice thanking the person (not the FUD face, but the person “behind the curtain”) for being willing to come to you directly, because not coming to you would be worse.

(2) The Unknown Face of Uncertainty

An unknown foe, the “faceless” mask, is perhaps the most common and disturbing for many of us at work. Why? In today’s workplace, where an employee’s destiny gets interwoven with the company’s, unless there’s evidence to the contrary, many people will tend to hallucinate the worst. We constantly look for evidence that we are valued contributors. That our efforts matter. That we’ll be given a fair shake. These are the keys to job satisfaction, quality, and productivity.

According to a recent study of 580 companies by the American Quality Foundation (AQF), the uncertainty and doubt caused by ambiguous behavior, inconsistency, vague requests, or absent authority is most likely to cause a cycle of fear and mistrust. It’s often so subtle as to be invisible, and insidious because of it.

Is there a way out? There is if you set healthy boundaries (next month’s topic) and avoid mistaking interpretations for facts.

Why Are We Doing This?

Thus, employer’s would benefit from providing a safe environment, full of timely two-way feedback, positive recognition, and clear agreements; free from ambiguity, vagueness, shadows of doubt … and yet, there’s a natural and unfortunate tendency to only explain or express what seems to be easily expressible. What can you do about it? Make it easy to say what needs to be said. Prevent misunderstandings by asking questions that clarify intentions.

(3) The Face of Undiscussability. You probably know it well, and you are sharply aware of its impact. It starts with the cold shoulder from some negative assumption, or the sense that your feelings are “unacceptable” or that you don’t dare speak up about an important issue. Alas, the fear itself perpetuates a loop of undiscussability, and it remains taboo until you feel sufficient support to name the “elephant in the livingroom.”

The way out, in the case, is through it: openly discuss the barriers to discussion, and brainstorm ideas to help overcome them.

Why Fear Zaps Productivity

Somehow, given that some degree of fear is natural, no matter what it’s cause (known or imagined), we must somehow remain present despite the “old brain” impulse to run and/or hide. When fear is present, it’s all too easy to lose track of our overarching purpose at work and get caught in a power struggle (or in looking for an escape hatch).

Fear has the unfortunate side effect of keeping our attention on avoiding or moving away from the thing that’s causing the fear, not on our work. Garden-variety fears – concerns, objections, discomforts – will take up little time or energy if we handle them in the moment. How? Acknowledge what you don’t want. If there’s any real danger of this happening, decide if action is necessary, assess your options, and deal with it.

Leadership in Action Series: Part 16

The Link Between Ethics and Culture

By Daniel Robin

In a prior article, we viewed integrity as a call to push back on the cultural epidemic of obsessive speed, greed, and creed – that is, how our quest for prosperity and “market advantage” can reinforce assumptions and beliefs that justify cheating, mistreating and defeating the other guy.

There’s nothing wrong with a competitive spirit – indeed, it is the cornerstone of our free enterprise system:  the best providers of products and services win.  But how we attempt to “win” says much about our character and culture.

Accounting Scandals and America’s Wake-up Call

Management in many larger corporations may have a sharp learning curve, as ethical conduct has become a topic of worldwide attention.  Never before have our choices been so scrutinized – as if we Americans are being asked to locate an international moral compass, act in accordance with it, and then hold it up for others, saying “see, we did it right.”

You know you’re on the right track ethically when you don’t have to constantly explain or justify your behavior.  “Well, I did it that way because … everyone else was doing it … and it seemed like a good idea at the time…”.  Fortunately, new laws and standards are making it harder to hide ethical lapses in accounting and fiscal reporting.

Situational Ethics

When others act unethically, what’s an appropriate response?  You calmly call them on it.   How?  You first check to see if they are aware of their own behavior.  You gently challenge their assumptions – are the limits that led to the choice or action real or imagined?  Are there other, better options to consider in the future?   Indeed, if ethical guidance is your goal, every-day situations can be a source of learning and development.

How about more complex ethical challenges, like acknowledging conflicts of interest or choosing to admit (rather than cover up) a mistake?  If we’re talking about someone else’s behavior, good luck. Tremendous tact and diplomacy skill will be needed to avoid getting a defensive reaction.  You might want to focus on your own ethical conduct and be the moral compass that you can offer for others to follow.

How about even more heinous ethical lapses, such as deliberate misrepresentation, questionable record-keeping, or blatant misuse of power?  These tend to set off strong, emotional triggers in many of us.  If your goal is to correct the behavior, anger and outrage won’t solve anything – it just drives the real problem underground.  Action fueled by such emotional reaction isn’t perceived as righting a wrong, or about counteracting an injustice; it is about retaliation and punishment.  Perhaps the better response is hand the situation to an ethics committee or an office charged with resolving such transgressions.

An Ethical Culture

By ‘ethical’ I mean not only the quality of your actions and decisions – how well your values are connected to your daily choices – but also the broader question of whether or not choices are integrated with what you know.  This applies to individuals as well as the organization.  If a person or group has broken a policy or acted unethically in a culture where the policy is not clearly articulated, or where the entire question of ethical and principle-centered conduct seems like a foreign country, then isn’t this as much a lapse in leadership as it is an act of malfeasance?

If actions are morally corrupt but not “against the (de facto company) law,” perhaps it would be wise to establish a policy, cultural norm or other guideline that would make such acts clearly not okay, and “punishable” through formal, impersonal channels.  In other words, don’t even attempt to “fix” someone’s behavior when it is the system that needs attention.  If you personalize it, your ability to work cooperatively could go down the tubes.

Police Me, I Dare You!

But policies and legal authority are simply not enough.  Navigating decisions on the ethical use of power, “fair” practices in recruitment, hiring and firing, benefits, and many other social justice issues remains a challenge.  No laws can adequately address how companies should manage choice of suppliers, environmental concerns such as resource consumption, waste minimization and climate protection … this demands leadership.

The financial crisis of 2007 that almost brought down the world economy was a race to the bottom of ethics, inspired by greed, and regulated by no one. This lesson was learned at a price none of us will soon forget, but political economies have a short memory, with selfishness in vogue like never before.  Fortunately there is a reaction to this self-interested capitalism, called “impact investing” and the impact economy is alive and well.

For more on this topic, or to contribute the next article in this series, contact blogger-in-chief, Daniel Robin.  Thanks for reading!

Leadership in Action Series: Part 15

Working With Integrity – The Art of Being Your Word

By Daniel Robin

At work, “being your word” requires vigilant attention to your own boundaries, using all your interpersonal skills, and watching out for double binds.  It also takes a decent amount of courage and a compassionate commitment to constant learning.  So cut yourself some slack.  Nobody, not even those with the utmost of integrity, can honor all their agreements all the time. That would require either perfect self-knowledge or living in a vacuum.  Don’t set yourself up for that.

Of course, accepting your own human tendency to mess up on occasion does not mean becoming sloppy or complacent.  Au contraire … especially if you’ve taken on a “big game,” it means paying careful attention, making sure your high-wire act adds “insight to injury,” using the grit in the moment to buy yourself more integrity for the next.

Discovering how you operate while stretching those comfort zones can be a pungent source of learning and improvement, but it is also a form of engaged leadership that sets the tone and inspires others to do their best work.  And instead of focusing on other people’s integrity (or the lack thereof), take responsibility for fostering an environment where openness and honesty are naturally a part of doing business.

Being Your Word

Aside from not lying, cheating or stealing, a key to professional integrity is to “be your word.”  This boils down to being impeccable with what you say and backing up the power of your words through your actions.  Short version:  a promise made is a promise kept.  In practice, since I’ve yet to meet a soul who can do this 100% of the time, put your attention on strategies for consistently closing the gap between “say” and “do.”

Consistency is the basis for trust, from which your reputation follows.  See Five Ways to Be Reliable, for tips on how to succeed at this.  For example, Tip #1:  Make fewer and better agreements.

The broader challenge is to close the gap between your core values – your true, lifelong priorities – and your daily habits.  Some professionals create a “code of conduct” as a steady reminder of how they wish to run their lives.  For example, if you value honesty, how are you expressing it?  Could you make a plan to live it more fully?

Professional Superglue:  My Word is My Bond

In practice, integrity means an unwavering commitment to honoring your internal and external commitments.  A commitment would include what others would assume to be your responsibility because you didn’t set an expectation to the contrary.

The word “honor” may sound like the language of a marriage vow, as in “to love, honor and respect …”.  In a way, being your word is like a vow, a covenant; perhaps not “until death,” but far stronger than letting your feelings in the moment guide how you treat your promises.  Your mission, should you choose to accept it (take a deep breath): your word is your most solid bond.

Engaged Integrity

If you didn’t engage in living your life to the fullest, it would be relatively easy to just focus on what’s in front of you, letting circumstances dictate your ambition.  “Walking the talk” is no big deal if you’ve built your worklife around safely avoiding letting others down, or if your career is on autopilot.  (And be sure to attend the next scheduled meeting of “Underachiever’s Anonymous,” but don’t expect too much out of it.)

Certainly there’s virtue in being steady and consistent, so all I’m saying is that some leaders would benefit from boldly stepping “out of their box.” (Still, others may need to find their box and get back into it.)

Checkpoint:  How Do You Operate?

Are you comfortable saying “no” even if you feel obligated?  Do you whole-heartedly say “yes” even when there are big risks involved?  If circumstances change, do you conscientiously renegotiate the agreement early enough to help find another way to get it done?

Even if you do everything you can to come from integrity, have you noticed how rare it is in our culture?  Why is that?  What happens?

People with the utmost of integrity are often tripped up or compromised by the downsides of speed, greed, and creed.  Here are practical solutions for avoiding these hidden integrity traps, first by poking some holes in the myths that commonly justify their use.  By steering clear of these obstacles, you earn (or maintain) a reputation as reliable and credible, worthy of respect and autonomy.  Plus, people who demonstrate integrity act as powerful role models –cornerstones for the workplace and culture they represent – setting new standards for effective leadership.

Three Obstacles to Integrity

Speed, greed and creed present leadership challenges that can tempt or trap us, or merely throw us off track temporarily.  Beware of the tendency to offer these same influences as the excuse for making poor choices or engaging in unscrupulous behavior in the first place.  Here are some ideas on how to reverse these patterns:

Obstacle 1:  SPEED – Western culture is addicted to going fast.  Warp speed is considered essential to business success – particularly in certain professions and competitive industries.  With expressions like “the fast eat the slow,” popular books and magazines like Fast Company say keep pace or don’t play.

But speed is not the same as haste (that waste-making thing), and there must be boundaries and limits set to ensure quality amidst ‘the rush’ rush.  Although many of us are speed freaks, that doesn’t mean we have to be in a hurry.  Giving in to the heat of making more decisions per hour can result in choices that are integrity sinks – fast, sure, but not necessarily wise, tending to backfire in the long-run.

As a leader, if you want speed, focus on workflows and process improvement; people have their own rhythm and there’s not a lot of value in hurrying it along.

There’s a “zone” of optimal performance that comes from the right amount of pressure:  too much and non-productive stress occurs, too little and boredom, apathy or naps tend to occur.  Pressure can be what keeps us on our toes.  If we let pressure take over, we tend to get overly fixated on the task and forget about the importance of relationships.

If you find yourself in the “zone of overwhelm” most of the time, check out the article Communication Skills for People Under Pressure.  We also offer a training module on the link between pressure and performance, and a course on Humor at Work that’s about making sure you save time to laugh at all of this.

If you feel pressured to perform in ways that feel like you could be compromising your integrity, what to do?  Is that pressure self-induced or coming from an outside source?  Get clear about what will produce your best work but be open to making process changes.  When you understand and can make the most of your natural rhythm, you find “flow” and breeze through even the worst messes.

Assertively going “full steam ahead” is one thing, but take time to build rapport if you expect cooperation by others.

Obstacle 2:  GREED – Economic prosperity is what we all want, but how much is enough, and how to achieve it without avarice?  The desire for insatiable and excessive economic gain is perhaps the #1 threat to integrity. (Enron, anyone?)  Fortunately, checks and balances help to define “enough,” but our systems of commerce and “single bottom line” scorekeeping blind us to what it all signifies.  We don’t play just to get what we need; we are patterned to play for the sake of having – as much as we can get.

In capitalism, money’s the scoreboard by which we measure our success.  But few would argue that economic gain is worth compromising health, environment, or relationships.

Manipulating systems for near-term gain – even at the risk of a severe downstream price – can be tempting and seductive.  What would happen if the game shifted from striving to “get away with” as much as possible to instead delivering as much value as possible?  Rewards would flow naturally, automatically, and integrity is preserved.

Obstacle 3: CREED – The third obstacle can manifest as a result of closely held fundamental beliefs or guiding principles.  If you carry the belief “do unto others before they do unto you,” then that will largely determine how you operate.  For example, did you know that the perpetrators of 9/11, just before the attacks, dutifully returned all the unspent money?  This illustrates that you can otherwise act with “integrity” but still operate out of a creed that is as misguided as any we could imagine.  All I’m saying is that these perpetrators are (or were) creed-bound, cold-blooded terrorists, not flakes.

If you simply assume that your employees are capable, loyal, and concerned about the success of the business, how would that change the challenge of operating with integrity?

Summary and Plan

Since our own culture gives us plenty of examples of what not to do, addressing these three obstacles can bring leaders closer to walking the proverbial talk.  In the end, integrity may come from simply

1 Being professional and reliable (an art unto itself, especially when dealing with people who lack integrity, or seem to)

2 Managing expectations (shortcut:  “under-promise, over-deliver”)

3 Noticing and acknowledging the root cause of breakdowns, but offering no blame nor making any excuses.

Consider this contract with yourself:  What if you were to “Put out 100% of what’s wanted, 100% of the time, and be available to negotiate any differences.”  In practice, this means be honest with yourself and others about what you really want, and have the guts to make it real.  If, along the way, somebody or some thing pushes back, don’t give up or give in, don’t offer excuses, just deal with it and stay on track.

1.  What areas of your life provide the greatest opportunities for closing an integrity gap?  List then rank them.

2.  What is one thing you could do in each area to begin the process?  By when will you take that next step?

3.  Optional, extra credit:  you can use these questions to get feedback from other people who know you and how you operate (but don’t ask if you don’t really want to know the answers) …

a.  “In your opinion, on a scale from 1 to 10, how much integrity do I demonstrate through my leadership?”

b.  “What’s the one thing that I could do to demonstrate a greater degree of integrity on the job?  How would that change my score?”

Leadership in Action Series: Part 14

The “Grit” of Integrity

By Daniel Robin

This article explores the vital yet often-overlooked leadership challenge of integrity. When I recently mentioned to an executive friend that I was writing about this topic, he half-smiled. “Thanks for the warning,” he whispered, feigning nervousness.  Integrity has become a serious subject in Corporate America (and elsewhere).  This article highlights three pitfalls for leading from integrity, and how to design an approach that makes it a little easier.

There are both public and private aspects to integrity – the “external” or social part of integrity involves making and keeping promises (such as being on time, honoring commitments, etc.); while the private, or “internal” aspect of integrity has more to do with promises you make to yourself – that is, how well you hold true to your principles, beliefs and values. Both aspects are important, particularly for leaders, as leaders set the tone for cultural norms (rules) and what is and is not acceptable conduct.

Integrity: Pain or Plain?

Our integrity is a living, breathing “work in progress,” an interrelated set of agreements and interactions that amount to never-ending practice, learning and improvement. The decision to fully engage in the process is about character; how you deal with the inevitable lapses and human imperfections says much more about your integrity than your espoused values and beliefs ever will.

How you “walk the integrity talk” forms the basis for trust, respect and, in most circles, business success. Even if you honor your life’s purpose and passion (or dare to discover what that is), it may still be extremely challenging to strive for 100% integrity; but to not strive for it could be worse.

We all have areas of our lives that contain gaps between say and do. Take an honest look; simple awareness, courtesy of your inner observation deck, can be a powerful and dangerous ally. When we know better, we do better. So instead of buying into our culture’s “conspiracy of mediocrity,” what would happen if we challenged ourselves to clean out our integrity closet (so to speak)? We might clear the air with a colleague, apologize for earlier trespass or pettiness, or put forward a new standard that’s true to your highest potential and maximum integrity.

This brings up two questions. (1) Why would you do such a thing when people in our culture are often as flaky as a bad case of dandruff, and (2) How to do it … how to “lead by design” to make real this sense of a promise being 100% a promise.

Bond. James Bond.

Why indeed. “Normal” is overrated. Apart from the obvious benefits of showing integrity … people seeing you as reliable, consistent, worthy of trust and respect … you gain self-respect and an increased sense of self worth. This is extremely energizing.

When you refuse to say “yes” to something unless you really mean it – your word is your bond – you begin to treat all your commitments as contracts with yourself. When it’s “you with you,” nothing outside of you can take that away … it outlasts and supersedes external approval, criticism, strokes and recognition.

How: Integrity By Design

Integrity can be a leadership design principle, not just a fixed personality trait or set of ideals. If we operate out of a flawed design, we simply won’t “get there from here.” Working harder won’t help at all – with no traction, you may eventually just give up.

The following reflects opportunities to redesign how you are leading your life. Do you presently have

1. Too many agreements to adequately give each what they require. A “healthy stretch” is one thing, but if you have so many external commitments that your “yes” starts sounding more like a “maybe,” it’s time to renegotiate.

2. Mistakes confused with failure. An unreasonable expectation of yourself (or by management) is that success depends on perfection. Not only does this make risk-taking a no-no, but it also squelches creative problem solving and innovation.

3. Blame, not Aim: Do you have a fear of accepting responsibility for getting what you want in life? This is also known as being stuck in the “Blame Frame” – assigning blame or credit to others as a way to avoid owning what is fundamentally up to you.

Change your design assumptions and you’ll change your experience. What might you wish to redesign in your life to express maximum integrity?

Next article: tools and tips for dealing with three major obstacles to integrity so you can more consistently “be your word” in practice.

Leadership in Action Series: Part 13

Dealing with Differences in a World of Diversity

By Daniel Robin

This article outlines a process for dealing with adversarial behavior in others.

Adversary, or “enemy stance,” usually results from escalating a difference of some sort – making a progressively bigger and bigger deal out of differing views on priorities, goals, or methods. One or both parties make that difference into a problem, a push-pull, offense/defense, … sometimes a power struggle, or the desire to “right” exclusive, to “win” at the other person’s expense.

Such conflicts can be cloaked or overt, but they are based on the same dynamics – the will to fight, or lack of feedback (or lack of concern) about the effects of being offensive, uncooperative, or destructively argumentative.  Instead, in Part 2, this article outlines easy steps for keeping the conflict manageable and dealing with differences in a healthy context – before they become time- and energy-drainers.

Part 1.  The Defense Rests
Part 2:  Recognizing the Six Stages of Adversarial Escalation
Part 3:  Unblocking Communication Logjams

Or revert to the first article on this series on leadership with
Part 1:  Fail Often to Succeed Sooner

Part 1.  The Defense Rests

“Ted, you said you were going to call me with those figures … what happened?”

Ted’s button is pressed:  “Oh, you think the world revolves around you and your stupid little project…. Has it ever occurred to you, Jack, that the rest of us have jobs, too?!”

“Look, Ted, I know you’re busy.  … any time this millennium would be fine,” Jack said jokingly, but it made Ted feel put down.

With a cold stare, Ted calls a one-man walkout:  “Yeah, just do it … yourself!”

A common leadership mistake is to put up a defensive shield without knowing or acknowledging you are doing it.  A bigger mistake is to push on that defensive reaction and expect it to go anywhere but straight into the dumpster.

Most of us are unaware that, at times, we feel this powerful need to defend ourselves – it happens automatically, as if the other person’s out to get us, out to cause us harm.  Pointing out defensiveness, ironically, often produces more of the same (“I am not being defensive!”), amplifying the futility of persisting.

Prevention versus Cure

When do your own instincts say “Oops, better back off… struck a cord”?  For most of us, it’s a bit later than ideal.

When your own actions lead to raised hackles in someone else (“Did I just say something that offended you?”), instead of backing this person into a corner, stop, and ease off (“Back away from the human….”).  If you continue down that same track, one of three things will happen:  (a) Flight:  the person runs away in terror, hides, or tries to avoid you, (b) Fight:  the push-pull dynamic produces so much interpersonal friction you could heat your office with the energy it generates (energy that could have gone into other, more enjoyable pursuits), or (c) Cope:  they show enough emotional restraint, argue their case, attempt to be right or to save face.

It is unlikely that the situation will move toward a lasting solution, and yet, this subtle adversarial pattern runs deep in our culture and our actions.  How do we interrupt this defensive loop without causing more of it?

Serial Chiller:  Nobody Likes to be Put Down

Back in Part 4 of this article series, “Fix Systems, Not People,” we describe the human tendency to make the person the problem (see Leadership in Action – Part 4).  Instead, the idea is to see any issue as a systems problem – a broken process, a bogus procedure or job design, or a non-fault-tolerant environment – and lead toward improving the system, not towards “fixing” the person.  No matter how tactfully you might present their need to change, unless that person sees your assessment as specific, accurate, fair and executable (spells SAFE), you’ll have a power struggle or a dispute on your hands.  Certainly, there must be better ways.

This article outlines three … strategies to get the desired results without wasting energy in a push-pull, or having to clean up adversarial messes after interpersonal meltdowns.

1.      Recognize adversary before it clobbers you on the head – kapow! – and call for a ceasefire or just (quietly) institute a new gameplan.

2.      Handle resistance proactively before it turns into a dispute, a contest of wills, or a breakdown in cooperation.  (See our website, keyword “Resistance,” for Six Keys to Handling Resistance and other tips.)

3.      Think and act all win: look for a dovetailing of interests, generating options and alternatives to get there.  This is about listening, flexing (your brain, not your muscles), and blending ideas.

By leading toward mutual gain, the other party has less reason to treat you as if you are their adversary.  If you notice adversarial cues – for example, long periods of silence followed by accusations – start by surrendering enemy stance in yourself, then take a powerful, non-defensive stand for working it out:  “I’m not willing to fight with you about that.” Or, “I’m only interested in solutions that work for both of us.”

Part 2:  Recognizing the Six Stages of Adversarial Escalation

The fast track to avoiding push-pull friction – preventing escalation or breakdowns in cooperation – starts with becoming fully aware and watchful for signs of adversarial thinking or adversarial behavior.  With an “early warning system,” you can head off trouble by keeping the tone light, keeping the door open. Maintaining rapport and good will is essential to skillfully navigate the tricky waters of interpersonal differences.

Recognizing “where you are now” is key. The path of escalation usually unfolds like this:

1.  Triggering comment or action – a new issue or problem checks into town

One or both people say or do something that provokes defensiveness, irritation, frustration, resentment, discomfort, anger or fear.  Perhaps dealing with the issue at this level seems a bit confronting?  It probably is. But at least there are still choices available … you can choose to “deal” in a climate of cooperation and hope; failure to do so now limits options for future constructive resolution.  “Act now or forever lose the peace.”  Contact us for strategies.

2.  Proliferation of issues – “piling on”

One or both people start bringing up new issues (whether relevant or not) for expanding the basis for the disagreement.  Acting out of the adversarial framework, there’s often an attempt to demonstrate that a difference or issue exists, as if to prove “how bad it’s getting.”  Instead of piling on, a better move would be “sorting out” the issue(s), starting with separating the person from the problem.

3.  Formation of adversarial alliances – “choosing sides”

Right/wrong and win/lose thinking begins as one or both parties begin pulling in other people, resources, or positions for support of their original contention [while their intention gets lost or misunderstood].  Outside authority (e.g., so-and-so said they feel the same way) is offered as “proof” that the speaker is right.

4.  Distortion of communication – “being right”

One or both people begin to communicate through exaggeration and distortion; broad sweeping generalizations, deleting or ignoring some of key facts (often the key to interrupting this path – and jumping to a more constructive dialogue – is to refocus on these facts); sometimes anger or fear will cause character attacks followed by periods of silence.

5.  Rigid and extreme positions – “digging the hole deeper”

The harder people fight, the more entrenched they become.  One or both people become rigid and extreme in their positions, through depersonalizing and in some cases dehumanizing others, taking the position that “I’ll never give an inch,” in order to save face.  Coping strategies such as going numb or trying to avoid the whole mess ensue.  Solutions at this level come from looking for creative face-savings moves like admitting to a mistake, apologizing, or asking to declare a “new day.”

6.  Focus on hurting each other – “destroy or be destroyed”

Although the conflict may have begun with the goal of solving a problem, as both people become increasingly contentious or defensive, the goal shifts to hurting or attacking the other person’s position as having no validity.  Collaboration is not an option.  Stress clouds judgment.  Hope vanishes.  The most civilized option may be “alternative dispute resolution” approaches like mediation.  Passive-aggressive threats or attack-and-defend patterns cause a stalemate.

When there is a perceived or actual enemy stance, these stages usually provide clear signs that someone is making the issue into a problem worthy of a fight.  An entirely preventable example of this pattern is something we call “resisting resistance.”

If you maintain enough rapport, you’ll be able to sail on through pockets of resistance with minimal scraping or grinding – the soft underbelly of your interpersonal relationship will be unscathed – and it won’t look at all like the last presidential election, a championship rugby match, or courtroom litigation proceedings.  It might feel like there’s a slight mismatch – like something’s off a bit – so you can use that signal to make a slight course-correction to get back on track.

Part 3:  Unblocking Communication Logjams

This part provides reminders of how to effectively switch gears to prevent or unblock communication logjams.  Such logjams are a result of push-pull tension about goals, methods, or priorities.  Often there’s a posturing because of perceptions or misinterpretations about intent.  Implied blame can lead to defensiveness and an adversarial stance.  How can you tell when this is beginning to happen?  See Part 2 above.

When you notice the signals or signs of adversary, then what?  Short answer (though it takes practice) switch gears and temporarily put aside what you want.  Sounds unnatural and counter-intuitive?  Not what leaders normally do when somebody says harsh words like “You don’t know what you’re talking about!” or more subtle signals like “There’s no way that’s going to work” …. How would you normally respond to such statements?

(a)    Argue, perhaps with “I’ve got more experience in my little finger than …” or “Of course it’s going to work … you just don’t get it.”

(b)   Present the merits of your position or point of view.

(c)    Ask them to be more cooperative and open-minded.

(d)   Side with the person’s view for a moment and dig a little deeper into their mindset.

If your instincts do not currently make your next move something like (d), you’re in good company – by far the majority of professionals will take the bait and argue, push, or plead – but in this case, being “normal” is overrated.  Handle the resistance up front and it can prevent lots of mutual misery.

Why Should I Deal with Their Resistance?  It’s Their Issue?

To not notice or not handle a perceived mismatch puts that response-ability squarely in the hands of the other person.  Wouldn’t you rather take charge of the situation and head off a “situation” before it starts?   If you don’t, you’ll either witness escalation into a full-blown conflict (the result of “resisting their resistance”), or you’ll be dependent on someone else to notice and respond skillfully on your behalf.  Success would depend on their ability to do something to handle your resistance.  It’s a risk worth avoiding.

The expression “it takes two to tango” applies here, because if one party steps off the conflict escalation “dancefloor,” there can be no battle: “Though I disagree, I’m not going to fight with you about that.”  If one party takes responsibility for managing the resistance, especially when it seems minor, no escalation will occur, and the perceived level of conflict will remain low enough that you can get a good result through collaborative problem solving.  Any other dance move (hip-hop, slam, twist & shout …) will lead to something less desirable – chaos, power struggles, the will to fight, the need to be “right,” loss of trust – convincing the other party that an impasse has been reached and you’re being “difficult” or uncooperative.

Basic Moves for Handling Resistance

Simply start with listening and verifying, by stepping into their shoes, looking at the situation from their point of view; or, if its getting heated, discuss your intention to “work out” your differences.  The most important thing is to NOT LEAD toward your goal for a bit.  Give them a chance to be heard – even if you disagree, you can still demonstrate that you understand their reasoning.  By learning what underpins their resistance, you can negotiate with more power in a way that maintains rapport and interpersonal cooperation.  See keyword resistance (ABetterWorkplace.com/resistance) for additional tools.

The early stages of dealing with differences – where you still have the most choices mutually available – are the most important. Differences inevitably crop up; the skill is to keep the perceived level of conflict manageable, tolerable.  Only then can you reliably prevent or unblock communication logjams.

Leadership in Action Series: Part 12

Control Isn’t Even for the Birds

By Daniel Robin

This article series outlines a process for shifting away from the need to control and into guiding, organizing and structuring work so that the desired results are obtained with less effort and more reliably in the long-run.  See the prior articles in this series at ABetterWorkplace.com/leadership.

Part 1:  Letting Go Into Structure

Increasingly, smart leaders apply just enough energy or attention to facilitate a shift in the desired direction.  Through harnessing organizational leverage points, designing and modeling healthy workplace culture, and “disturbing” systems so that they self-organize, the proverbial “all-win” situation is made manifest.  No “control” necessary.

Conventional “control” is simply not the goal.  Instead, consider building structures and collaborative systems that obviate the need for direct control.  Not only are such approaches more energy efficient (less effort, greater impact) but they also happen to be more fun, effective and sustainable in the long run.  For most of us, however, this form of “smart leadership” is neither familiar nor field-tested.

Tough question:  if it’s so smart, why isn’t everybody doing it?  Healthy skepticism about exerting less control is usually accompanied by the fundamental disbelief that an easier way could exist.  There are three factors central to shifting the assumption that control is necessary:

1)      Recognition of how much “control” actually costs us,

2)      Realization that what’s familiar and habitual is certainly comfortable, but not necessarily smart, and

3)      Like anything new, successfully operating “out of control” takes willingness to experiment and practice.

The Two-edge Sword of Control

The word “control” has a dubious reputation.  On the one hand, it is considered the high water mark of leadership to be “in control” (or at least to appear that way).  The harsh reality of leadership, however, is that a business cannot be directed along a linear path.  Never mind that hardly anybody likes to be “controlled” — to attempt to move in a straight line is like trying to teach a pig to sing:  it wastes your time and greatly annoys the pig.

We each prefer a different amount of responsibility, authority, and control in our relationships.  No two leaders are exactly alike (see our website for research from 26,000 individuals).  But all of us have the tendency to use either too much or too little control as compensation for something else … for some, it’s a baseline fear that people won’t want to cooperate, or unconscious self-doubt or feelings of inadequacy, or other excuses or restrictions that we put on ourselves.  This may inhibit our ability to relax, to guide not push, to have things flow easily rather than through force and pressure.  With time, this racks up quite a bill in human wear and tear.  What’s your tab?

Logical and Linear?  It’s Not Even for the Birds!

Certainly, at times, we all crave clear direction, sharp decision-making, or a single-minded plan for “winning” in the marketplace.  A startling shift in the assumptions that underpin leadership has caused business people to rethink how to best provide that direction, what decision making responsibility is optimal, and how we might re-vision “winning” as getting where we all would want to go – without knowing in advance exactly where that is or how to get there.

Surprisingly, even top-down organizations like the US Army have discovered this:  operate more like an evolving, living system than a linear, logical, predicable machine.  That same awareness has inspired major corporations to give up rigid control in favor of self-organizing and adaptive structures.  Although this approach is consistent with “the way things are” (laws of nature), it feels quite unnatural at first to let go of anything – as traditional efforts to control and order things do serve a positive intention.

What Kind of Control Controls You?

If we describe control as “decision-making authority, ability to influence, ownership …” then most leaders would say it’s desirable.  But when it comes to others exerting control over us, less than 14% of today’s workforce wants to be told what to do (and roughly one forth of these resent their dependency).  The vast majority range from “rebels” (38%) to the more take-chargers (7%), self-confidents (10%), or narcissists (3%); the remaining 28% fall somewhere between rebels and zealots.

Given that so few people look to outside authority to shape their behavior, and traditional leaders often try to do exactly that, it’s no wonder there’s built-in tension and conflict between management and workers.   The next article explores ways to bridge this gap while using the laws of nature to make better leaders in a better workplace.

Part 2:  Control is Overrated

In the right context, control is a wonderful and admittedly rare thing.  Have you ever had a boss that was right on top of the priority issues and neither accepted nor cast blame for the way things are; they could admit a mistake but also knew when to put down their foot, saying “enough is enough;” and they used their positional power in a way that commanded lasting respect?  (If not, think about leaders like M. L. King, Jr., Gandhi, or the exact inverse of Dilbert’s pointy-haired boss).

What or who, exactly, was that boss controlling?  You?  Your peers?  Others?  Not likely. This person was in control of their own actions, urges, and ambition … responding, not reacting to change.  Rolling with the unfolding plan ….

This process is not entirely unlike ocean surfing.  You don’t get to tell the wave what to do; at best, you get to (a) pick the right wave, (b) handle yourself in a way so as not to drown in the forces already set in motion, and (c) enjoy the ride.  Natural systems are a close analog to most organization in that they “happen” whether or not the executive leaders plan it that way.  Sure, we have some control, but not nearly as much as many of us assume we do.

Controlling The Urge to Control

The thing is, nobody likes to be controlled; feeling corralled or “moved along” too forcefully brings up nearly everyone’s boundary and authority issues.  We are not cattle.  The “new deal” of leadership is about creating a context conducive to people and the organization itself getting what’s wanted without having to control those outcomes.  Guide and help set direction, certainly, but don’t push the river.  It’s a matter of respect, and happens to be what works.

Control of our own affairs, of our work and our life, is a highly desirable commodity; loss of control is considered a sign of weakness, defeat.  We crave the feeling of being in charge, of being the “master of one’s destiny” able to powerfully influence our own success.  But if we attempt to control others, they may reject our lead or rebel irrationally, simply because we didn’t give them a chance to “choose in” from their own authority.

Shared Power and Decision-making Authority

If you disagree with a decision, and you care enough to actually speak out, do your concerns get heard and acknowledged?  Being taken seriously is something we earn through our actions, but wise leaders encourage feedback, invite differing views, ask pointed questions so they can make informed decisions.

When it’s best for one person to decide, an expert opinion is needed; is the person deciding truly the expert, or do they just feel strongly about the matter?  If they’re controlling or dominating the decision inappropriately, failing to ask for help (some people are just used to flying solo and they literally forget to consult with others), it can damage relationships.  If our attempts to persuade aren’t acknowledged, we’re likely to withdraw over time, and eventually we’ll learn how to not care.

No Involvement, No Commitment

Controlling and excluding others trains them to withhold what they know … after being shut out once too often, the attitude becomes “If you’re so smart, you figure it out!”  After all, we’re not just paid to show up, shut up, and work; each one of us has an independent will and unique vantage point.  Value it.

Although there are times to avoid confronting an issue (when handling an emergency, when the situation is too hot to handle, …. ), more often, this lack of inclusion results in an undiscussable, lose-lose dynamic.  That’s where others “cave in” to our leadership and demonstrate obedience and compliance rather than commitment to results.

Part 3 explores how to let go of the need to control, providing several tools that make it easier.

Part 3:  Tools for Letting go of the Need to Control

As we’ve discussed, control is not a two-way street.  On the one hand, everyone likes to feel that they are “in control,” in charge of their work life, masters of their own destiny.  But few of us (less than 10%) like to be “controlled” by another person.

Indeed, for professionals, the ability to “control yourself” – organizing your day to meet complex challenges, letting an adversarial impulse pass, or refusing to let someone else push your buttons in the first place – is at once a virtue and a confidence booster.  But trying to control others is a throwback to when “command & control” leadership was seen by employees as a sign of insecurity and “power tripping,” and praised by other managers as a sign of strength, order and discipline.

In today’s workplace, realizing that people cannot be “controlled” – at best they can be persuaded or guided – the need to control others is like an accident waiting to happen.  With time, over-control leads to communication breakdowns, as “undiscussability” results when the person gets defensive or tries to control the conversation, virtually ensuring a lose-lose.

Controlling behavior includes being pushy and directive, ordering people around when there’s no real emergency, restricting other people’s choices arbitrarily, or covertly “manipulating” to get your way … Anything that attempts to enforce “what I want, when and how I want it” as the one right way.

Are There Alternatives?

“A job needs to be done,” leaders often say, “I can’t just wait and see if it pleases my subordinates to show up for work and perform!”  True, the opposite of control is not passivity, or pretending not to care.  The best tools are self-organizing, collaborative.  For example, to launch a project, conduct a “good faith” negotiation to discover (a) if there’s a clear and complete agreement about what’s wanted, (b) who is the right person for the job, and (c) what they might need or want to be successful.  Then support, guide, and encourage peak performance.  What’s control got to do with it?!

Once the basics are in place, when the guidelines and context are mutually understood, let the experiment unfold.  See what emerges.  That’s much less work than controlling and commanding to get a certain result.  Do not accept “false responsibility” (more than your fair share) for obtaining those results.  If you’ve co-created a healthy container for the work to be done, there’s a sense of “being in this together” that makes control the booby prize.

Stay out of the way of the experiment, then take time to review the results.  You’ll never know their true capabilities if you constantly check.  As the saying goes, you know you’re a micromanager when you “pull up the sod every day to see if there are roots yet.”

Questions Drive Results

The intention behind the controlling behavior is always positive:  get a result, get the job done.  To convert the overinvolved, overcaring behavior into a more workable approach, an excellent tool is simply to ask:  “Could I let go of needing to control this situation?” and “What would happen if I did?”  You are not asking “Could I let go of control?” This is about releasing just the perceived need to control.  There’s no point in asking to let go of something with such a positive intention.  It won’t happen.  But the need to control, the energy-draining, white-knuckled grip is often optional.

If the person tries to control everything, then ask, “Could I let go of the need to control (in general)?”  Or, “Could I initially let go of just 10% to see what happens?”

Collaborative leadership ultimately takes less time and yields better results than having to “run the show.”  What are some of your favorite tools for making this transition from “control” to self-organizing “structure” at your workplace?

Leadership in Action Series: Part 11

Dealing with Aggressive Leaders — One Dirty Look at a Time

By Daniel Robin

“If you aren’t going to finish the project, just tell me so I can find someone who will!”  The edge in Tony’s voice has a chilling effect on the room.  Paula indicates that the project is coming along just fine – under the circumstances – and gives Tony a look that suggests that a staff meeting is not the place to air such frustrations.

After a brief but thick silence, Tony blurts out:  “Look.  I don’t care what it takes, but I want this project complete within two weeks.  Am I making myself unmistakably clear?”

Noticing that Tony’s frustration has shut down his reason-ability (he’s not listening), she decides to take this one offline.  “Yes, Tony.  I understand your goal,” Paula responds evenly.  “But, could we please talk about this privately after lunch?”

Tony rolls his eyes, and abruptly slaps shut his Day-Timer.  Paula lets out an audible sigh of relief as Tony hurdles himself toward the exit, sheets of paper flying in his wake.

“Well, wasn’t that refreshing?”  Or was it just dysfunctional?  Probably depends on whether Tony was having a bad “I don’t care” day, or whether it reflects a long-standing pattern.  Let’s explore what Paula did and why.

Standing Up to Workplace Bullies

Patterns of overly aggressive leadership must be handled expediently or employers could face legal liability (due to a “hostile work environment”).  We’ll touch on way of ensuring that patterns of overly aggressive or abrasive leadership in others are met with a combination of compassion, skill and extremely clear boundaries.  Interpersonally, a key is knowing when to stand your ground, push back, buy time, or walk away.

  1. Buy time. It may be appropriate to politely call a “time out” and ask if the so-called meeting (which may feel more like an impending train wreck) could continue at another time.  This “strategic avoidance” protected Paula from escalating into a fight, or from being stepping on needlessly (accommodating).  It also protects both parties from saying something they’d likely regret.  It may help to suggest specific times (“Tuesday at 1 or 4?”) for returning to the conversation.
  2. Stand Your Ground. If you want to establish a professional tone, you might want to acknowledge that you understand the importance of the other person’s view, highlight any areas of agreement, and then point out where you don’t happen to agree.  By politely and diplomatically dealing with “what is,” the other party is less likely to resist, more likely to calm down.  Otherwise, you might just say “I’m not willing to fight with you about that,” and walk away.
  3. Push back. When does it make sense to push back?  When the issue is more important than the relationship.  Or, when the situation just does not sit well with you, even after thinking it over.  If the other person is openly angry or emotional, wait; there will be a time to make your point.  Don’t waste your energy attempting to push back when the other party only wants to escalate.
  4. Accommodate.  One of the most common responses to a leader who is taking a “no holds barred” approach is to simply go with the flow.  A wise choice if you can find the non-defensive, generous strength to do so.  If it’s a pattern, however, keep track, writing down the facts of what happened, including what stopped you from using one of the above approaches.

Overall, success comes from noticing other people’s mood and emotions without becoming identified, confused, or hooked by it.  Just let in their experience (even if you disagree with the implications), acknowledge it as fact for them, and then think about something more important, like breathing.

Leadership in Action Series: Part 10

Four Steps to Handling Aggressive Impulses

By Daniel Robin

This article series outlines a process for dealing with hostile or aggressive impulses in yourself and others while staying true to the good intentions they rode in on.  See the prior two articles on this topic, the broader series Action in Leadership or our coursework at ABetterWorkplace.com/leadership.

Some leaders get heavy-handed as a poor substitute for skillful assertiveness.  Unaware of the consequences of their actions (yes, there are consequences), they barrel through projects as if it were a public bullfight where everybody else gets to be the bull.  Result: angry and resentful, well, bulls – that is, people who are usually quite cooperative, now reduced to looking for a time when the thick-skinned “toreador” looks away, stumbles, forgets to cover their blind side (we all have one, and it isn’t necessarily our backside), or some other way to even the score.

Other leaders, when caught up in the “passion of the moment,” may know exactly how to assert what they want, but unwittingly let frustrations build up inside until what eventually does come across is rude, abrupt and borderline abusive.

Often the first scenario (not knowing how to skillfully address an issue) feeds into the second (frustrations that turn into aggressive or passive-aggressive behavior), and we end up with clumsy, emotional or abrasive outbursts.  When leadership turns overly aggressive, using abrupt or hostile directives to get what’s wanted (or passively expecting others to mindread), the risks and downsides outweigh any potential rewards.  It just isn’t worth it.

Here are four steps to dealing more skillfully with anger impulses.  If it’s “habit anger” that’s running your show (that is, you’re angry most of the time), this process may still help, but also consider seeking outside, professional assistance.  You can find several additional resources at ABetterWorkplace.com/anger.

Try ANYTHING Else

Step 1.  Notice your most prevalent approach to anger and aggression, and do the opposite.

If your habit has been to express anger in the moment, try suppressing it for awhile; and if your habit is to suppress it, practice expressing it.  If you’re not sure about your dominant style, contact us for our quick self-assessment instrument.

For example, if you tend to not speak up (actively pushing aside or swallowing anger), then practice speaking plainly and directly in the moment.  The next article will round out the toolset for dealing with sticky situations, such as the need to confront long-standing issues.

If you tend to “go off” immediately, realizing that adrenaline and a life-or-death sense of urgency fuel and perpetuate the “causal chain,” it may take a lot of will power (and courage) to allow yourself to interrupt the action.  Calm yourself.  Take a deep breath.  Practice putting aside the impulse to act (a reaction).  Notice it, and put it aside.  Perhaps count to 10, then count again, more slowly – anything to slow down anger’s hormonal urge and chemical surge.

Step 2.  Use the power of anger to heat your house.  No.  Just kidding.  Just Notice It.

Once you’ve become familiar with using the opposite style, the next step is simply to notice the anger itself so you can, on occasion, choose to do NOTHING with it at all.

Neither express nor suppress.  This is akin to simply being aware that there’s anger present and choosing to take no action whatsoever.

The key here, of course, is not to be overly identified (not to mistake or confuse who you are) with your feelings.  You are not that.  Feelings come and go like the tides.  Think about something important, like a core value, and breathing … notice how quickly perspective returns.

And what does it feel like to find a moment of peace within all the storming and performing … a place, a moment, to be who you are, without needing to “do” anything?

Step 3.  Notice the Source.

By noticing the source of anger, you can powerfully assert what you want changed, rather than be aggressive about what has to change, giving away power.

Anger can mask pain or hurt, sadness, or fear … if there is something you want to avoid that the anger is trying to tell you, you’re likely to produce more of it!  Filters are great for making our experiences more manageable in the moment.  When you penetrate anger, it often delivers something of far greater value than acting on the original impulse.  See if you can identify any surprising origins.  What boundary are you protecting through anger’s big and intense mask?

Note that analyzing strong feelings (and the chemical pathways that allow you to have them) can be disorienting, even confusing.  Your gut is telling you something, so your self-talk needs to be about finding that cause, and nothing else.  Do not try to talk yourself in to or out of the feeling; don’t accept secondary feelings of guilt, shame, or remorse, resentment or indignance; if anything, go to the center of the original feeling and tell yourself the truth about it.

Step 4.  Decide How To Use It

Perhaps the question is either how to be “civilized” (cooperative) without being a push-over, or how to be clear and direct (perhaps even blunt) without causing damage.  When you’re angry or agitated, is it even possible to be both compassionate and powerful, considerate of others and courageous at the same time? Decide what you’ll do to handle aggressive urges going forward.

Anger has a bad reputation, is often seen as a curse, something to get rid of.  Suppressed anger can literally make you sick.  Anger expressed irresponsibly or directed at a person unable to stand their ground can be devastating.  So how do we turn this “curse” into leadership ability?  By noticing its source and using that awareness to be assertive and cooperative, we get things done within a much healthier and happier workplace.