Category Archives: Skills

How to perform tasks, build relationships, handle issues, emotions, get results

Recognizing Talent – key traits for hiring and promoting

“It’s not about whether candidates have the right skills, it’s [more] about whether they have the potential to learn new ones.”    – Claudio Fernández-Aráoz

To recruit, promote and keep talent, it turns out that adaptability, capacity to learn, and constructive use of imagination are more important than knowledge.  Einstein was right.  But the master skill of “learning how to learn” can be the ultimate win-win for both workers (whether employees or contractors) and companies.

We use a classic 2014 HBR article as a guidepost for successful team member recruitment:  hbr.org/2014/06/21st-century-talent-spotting. The following traits, capabilities or aptitudes are more important than any particular domain expertise or skill.  These are the true indicators of talent, and the characteristics we look for in recruiting and recognizing our team members:

  1. Curiosity – a penchant for seeking out new experiences, knowledge, and candid feedback [from and for others], as well as an openness to learning and change.
  2. Insight – the ability to gather and make sense of information that suggests new possibilities.
  3. Engagement – a knack for using emotion and logic to communicate a persuasive vision and connect with people
  4. Determination – the wherewithal to fight for difficult goals despite challenges and to bounce back from adversity.

Can these four traits be honed and developed or are they more innate?  One key is knowing your learning style and ability to learn and apply learning in the heat of the moment, in cooperation with others (interpersonally as well as between groups or companies) and over time.  In that sense, these four traits become core competencies and skills unto themselves, a useful indicator of future success.

The point is that experience can be overrated.  Increasingly, the past just does not equal the future.  Agility is more important than history.  Certainly the interpersonal behaviors that are the so-called “soft” skills, such as the ones that enable us to flex and flow with what is happening in the moment, and serve as cooperative “team player” are required nowadays.  The ability to move harmoniously with others, however, is just not enough.  Key is to remain focused on True North and not get hooked or distracted when encountering obstacles, setbacks, unskillful actions by others, seeming conflict, adversity or if the world just seems to be “falling down around us”.

At times like these, and in efforts to collaborate well with others who just can’t seem to take responsibility for the whole, there can be even more learning, born of fresh insights gained from apparent differences, non-constructive attitudes, resistance or roadblocks. We humans are not immune to a certain type of myopia, born of experience, where the past experience is precluding the imagination needed to come up with an innovative solution.  Why?  Because it is easier to learn than to unlearn.

To envision something new, step one is to put aside the picture of what’s already known. But if someone else brings you a new idea that is radically different than what had been planned, what do you do?  Listen for awhile then offer a “Yes, but [that’s not what we’re doing here]” push-back as a form of resistance to being thrown off track?  Flowing at times also means self-correcting to regain focus at the right moments, or tying in seemingly disparate elements, or handling concerns and objectives without trying to ruin the idea itself.  Otherwise, if you only go with the flow, you could end up drifting into a “pleasant distraction” that just wastes precious time.  Allowing time for tangents is healthy, but how much is enough?

And how do you know the difference between imaginative, divergent thinking, headed toward value, and just getting off track?  Most organizations have either a vision and mission plus a well- established set of core, governing values, or specific goals, critical success factors or strategic imperatives that can be referenced as True North.  These serve as a tie-breaker when each party is being heard.  The sense that others are listening to our ideas, even if they’re not yet convinced of the merit or utility of those ideas, keeps the perceived level of conflict low enough that cooperation is still possible.

If that’s not the case for you or your workplace, take time out to establish such guideposts and you’ll avoid having to figure out later why too many of the so-called “good ideas” end up becoming tangential time-wasters.  Are you talking with or at one another?

Everybody has off days, so this isn’t about being perfect. If you react with resistance or get hooked by an idea that does not seem to have merit, do not lose momentum by letting that ruin the future value that such a moment contains.  Get unhooked, get back on the horse, and keep riding toward True North.  Blessed are the resilient as they shall inherit the earth.  Or something like that.

Are these four talent indicators enough?

They’re a good start, but in practice they are very hard to assess.  There is not a lot of psychological research to provide easy tests, like the classic 4-year-old’s one cookie now versus two cookies in 10 minutes, so on-the-job experience and performance reviews are where the truth is told.  In other words, measure results over time and find out.  Cultures vary, as do systems of rewards, with some committed to getting results “at any cost,” while for others the rules of engagement and principles come first, and not getting the desired results is fine if a sincere effort is in evidence.

Sometimes a highly valued trait (appreciation of flow and harmony, for example) can become a liability, as differences get swept under the table, and if left there, eventually become undiscussable.  A strength becomes a liability, or at least a lost opportunity, if it gets overused, thus the notion of “playing to someone’s strengths” is only useful in theory.  For example, capturing a vision with both emotion and logic but failing to communicate that vision effectively, to make it a shared vision, is the notorious downside of visionary leaders that don’t have their feet on the ground.  Visioning may be a strength, prized and rewarded at times, but execution must accompany that strength, through the ability to connect with others, by leveraging the talents of others, as the full expression of the business trait.

Leaders that stop short of gaining widespread acceptance of a company-wide vision will often get frustrated when things go sideways.  If they put harmony ahead of results, and do not go the distance to involve those who don’t easily share in the vision, at first, it can backfire, as underground competition, or “skunkworks” can get sparked up that drains resources unproductively.

In practice, there’s much more to successful hiring and development than the above four traits, of course, but you can get pretty far with building a culture that embraces and uses them as part of training and advancement criteria.

In addition, an alignment of mission or purpose and core values, mentioned above, is also essential, because you just can’t mandate caring. You cannot demand passion or perseverance.  External rewards won’t do it.  Motivation has to come primarily from within, based on a sense of contribution, shared priorities, or common principles. You or others might employ good parts of both emotion and logic to communicate a persuasive vision, but people will “walk into” that vision and make it shared (or not) in their own way, on their own authority.  If they don’t support it, at best you can ask them to do some work to find a way to make it supportable.

Why?  Not every vision reflects an alignment of values with the individual’s own sense of prioritie.s  Values are not something you chose.  They’re endemic.  They pick you.  Principles like honesty and integrity, or a vision of the future (say, climate change mitigation) makes some topics or industries almost sacred while others are completely uninteresting or even offensive. That’s the power of values.  They must be aligned to an adequate extent, especially among senior managers, or there will be a falling out, eventually.

Other competencies include leadership, self-management, business skills like strategic orientation, awareness of how markets work, collaboration skills (see #3, above), developing others, communication of course, and change management, which is effectively the purpose of 1-4, the capacity to transform and align around a new goal or strategic directions.

How to manage complexities that seem insurmountable

It might not be possible to interview talent with a knack for finding the simple path through the often-convoluted landlines of most business dealings.  But those that can simplify, aggregate, look for patterns, discover the keys, the core, the maker/breakers often also possess the business skills that can be beneficially applied as a leader of their own work or in leading others. These four traits underpin the personalities that have the best odds of success.  Interview questions we often use to discover such talent, also key points for effective collaborators:

  • How do you react when someone challenges you?
  • How do you invite input from others on your team?
  • What do you do to broaden your thinking, experience, or personal development?
  • How do you foster learning in your own day, your team, your organization?
  • What steps do you take to seek out to explore the unknown, to discover something novel?

We ask for examples and specific situations that capture the essence of inspiration, motivation, insight, engagement, and determination. Your conversations with managers, colleagues, and direct reports who know the person well should be just as detailed.

Collaboration

Collaboration can become “coliberation” when done right.

When, exactly, are “two heads better than one”?  When the overall goal and task at hand deserve this form of closely aligned partnering.  Of course, not every type of work, every goal or every task deserves it, and when collaboration is warranted, success depends on the willingness and skill-sets of collaboration partners.  Key is to neither over- nor under-utilize collaboration, saving it for situations that will benefit from its advantages, avoiding auto-pilot limitations due to habitual responses to diversity, stretching toward greater and greater effectiveness.  

Check out our collaboration skills program course description, or contact us to schedule a delivery or discuss a tailored version of this course.

If you are an individual looking for self-study materials, consider downloading our 90-minute audio conference (offered through Lorman Education, with Continuing Education Unit credits available*) entitled Breaking Down Silos to Effective Collaboration (original Flyer PDF | Purchase program for $99 “on demand” at lorman.com/training/management/breaking-down-the-silos-for-effective-collaboration).

Related articles:

Why bother gaining greater awareness and skill with these tools for collaboration?  Because insanity is defined as doing what you’ve always done but expecting a different result. It takes a highly disciplined or slightly crazy (in a good way) person to choose what is less familiar and possibly uncomfortable, but such is the way of “style stretching” for those who normally over-use or under-use collaboration as their “go to” mode of interacting.  Professionals these days let the discomfort be their guide — getting comfortable with the discomfort — of trying new things, until that greater flexibility has been added to their repertoire.

How flexible are you when it comes to working with others, especially those who are unlike you?  At times a passenger, at others strongly “in charge” as topic leader, modern workplaces are most productive when experienced as a daily “flexibility drill” when collaborating with diverse others. Bending and stretching without get bent out of shape — skills worth honing over a lifetime!

Not seeing what you’re looking for?  Browse our other presentation topics for ideas.

* This course has been reviewed and approved for inclusion in the Human Resource Professional Development (HRPD) Certificate Program and qualifies for 0.5 credit. Please visit www.lorman.com/certification/hrpd for more information.

Alignment

Lack of alignment around goals, or the deeper challenges of disagreements about priorities, the desired future, beliefs about what is possible, let alone worthwhile, sometimes fueled by egoic, dysfunctional, win-lose thinking, all limit success.

When stakes are high, this lack of alignment can create quite a mess.  Though recovery from such setbacks isn’t usually a problem, if there’s a preventable pattern, or perceptions that the misalignment is between management and workforce, it can be demoralizing and distracting … a quiet productivity killer.

From Mess to Success

Key questions:

1.  How can differences be turned into competitive advantage?

Significant differences are, by definition, the key to synergy (1+1=3), innovation and change.  If each collaboration partner brought the same information, style, values and priorities, awareness and so on to the table, one or more of them would be redundant. Key is to harness these differences and use them toward agreed-upon challenges, critical success factors, strategic innovation and important goals.  We often get caught up in managing differences that don’t matter or deserve the attention they get.

2.  Do we use collaboration at the right times?

Although we sometimes invest face time or too much of our agendas to things that don’t deserve it, we also can’t just ignore fundamental differences, and push and drag each other around in resistance.  Some cultures do this all day long, but it is exhausting and ultimately not productive.  Effective collaboration seeks solutions or helps participants put differences aside to focus on the real prize — the innovation that can result when teams are aligned in their purpose.

3.  How can individuals work autonomously, with their own authority and sense of power, without simply withdrawing from friction in relationships?

Many of us do not have a positive association with of resolving differences or have a fear of confrontation.  Often, just as common ground is beginning to emerge, collaboration partners give up on a project or step back from a key relationship just because there are differences or apparent conflicts starting to crop up.  This is about confidence, standing one’s ground, but being flexible enough to stay in the conversation until solutions can be put in operation. 

Alignment happens, but just as often, value is lost and worthwhile projects or initiatives languish.  What are your workplace culture’s standards and does everyone operate accordingly?  If not, what steps might you take?

4.  How can incentive systems, innovation platforms and other change initiatives reward skillful handling of differences?

Incentive systems that provide external rewards are sometimes seen as manipulation; intrinsic motivation to perform and get results in diverse teams can be a powerful drive of change — so long as functional areas are aligned on goals and required to row in the same direction.  Allowing for diverse points of view can be stimulating, but tapping into the potential value in that diversity takes practice and skill.  Modeling this behavior is more effective than espousing it.

5.  What enables leaders and key contributors to harness differences toward lasting value?

The assumption that people are “walking bundles of strengths” and a desire to find the useful parts of what others think and know, not just differences that don’t happen to fit with what’s familiar or seeming to be the “right answer” based on first impressions.  In other words, patience and curiosity without losing sight of bigger picture goals.  This more inclusive style, within clear structure about the rules of engagement and incentive systems, plus skillful communication, will yield positive results.  If not, contact us to help diagnose what’s getting in the way.

Related article:  Seven Attitudes to Dissolve Conflicts

Related topics:  collaboration | handling differences | agreements | rapport | resistance

Presentations that Don’t Suck

Why is PowerPoint a cue to take a nap for so many professionals? Is it because they can? Nobody is watching them, and they can finally catch up on some much-needed rest? Unfortunately, nobody is watching the presenter, either.

Microsoft PowerPoint is one of the most used and most loathed tools in business today. It’s the go-to tool for 99% of presentation visuals intended to communicate with others. But if you ask people their opinion of it, they’ll tell you how boring and useless, ineffective or tacky the results usually are. What’s wrong with this picture? Why are they using this potentially powerful tool if it is so ineffective — just to sadistically torture their colleages?

The problem is that PowerPoint fundamentals are so easy to learn, it provides false security. Like playing the piano, it is easy to make noise, but playing well takes certain skills and practice. Most business people go about it bass-ackwards. They begin with the words they wish to say and mistake PowerPoint for a teleprompter. This is no player-piano! At best, PowerPoint can help focus and guide others with clues about the context, but there can be no subsitute for having clear ideas or information to convey, then working from the audience’s needs and expectations to identify the best design and use of the media.

Like the Internet itself, PowerPoint is a visual media. You wouldn’t create a single web page in 30 minutes and declare yourself proficient. Why do that with PowerPoint? Busy professionals then spend the rest of their career using that same incomplete skillset over and over, learning very little from each presentation because few dare to say out loud “Wow, you really suck at that!” (though they think it privately, right before they tune out), nor do they offer constructive suggestions for improvement. No wonder so many of us are guilty of “death by PowerPoint.”

This interactive and fun seminar or webinar reveals how easy it is to fall into the trap of creating annoying and useless slides, and more important, how rewarding it can be to break out of that mode and create and deliver truly engaging, even brilliant and inspiring presentations.

Webinar Details: Join author and presentations coach Daniel Robin as he shows you how to avoid the mishaps and mistakes that derail your message and undermine your credibility.  Not as difficult to master as your new smartphone and a lot more fun.

This session will show you how to:

  • Avoid the “cram-it-all-in” obsession (how many chunks of information are reasonable per slide?  What’s a “chunk” anyway?)
  • Use animation and motion without annoying the audience
  • Prevent PowerPoint from making you look stupid (it happens … a lot)
  • Effectively present “bullet point” lists without sounding robotic, or find out how to avoid them altogether!
  • Turn presentations into “conversations” that keep listeners engaged
  • Get out from under your slides and begin to convey your true expertise
  • Design slides that actually support and reinforce your key points
  • Connect with your audience so your message is understood and remembered

How?  Call toll-free in the USA 1-800-962-4733 to inquire about times and dates that fit your group’s schedule.  For a more in-depth experience, check out this course description.

Exploring the Inner Frontier, Part 3

What’s a Healthy Boundary Between You and a Maniac? — part 3 of 3

By Daniel Robin

Hank says to me “It’ll never work,” just two days after his team’s proposal was approved. Shirley says the reason the project is doomed is that nobody ever talks to her. I innocently ask “What can you do about that?” and she snaps “I don’t have time for this!” and walks out of the room.

Whoa! How do you deal with people who are stressed out, adversarial, resistant and argumentative? Tell them to take a vacation? Or those so-called “difficult” people who seem bent on being just plain annoying? I’m not talking about setting garden-variety boundaries like asking a co-worker to give you direct feedback when all you’re getting is covert criticism. Such situations simply require healthy assertion of what you prefer, as described in Part 1 of this series.

After nearly being taken hostage on the SS Maniac, I’d like to offer the following tips for setting a respectful boundary when other people get “emotionally hijacked,” when the stakes are high, or when dealing with a conflict … once set, such boundaries can save you (and your peers) hours of needless suffering.

1. Attempt to mirror what’s going on for the other person.

“Oh, you’ve got a deadline, so it’s important that we talk right this instant?” If I can understand and acknowledge something about that person’s agenda or apparent situation (their issue, problem, concern, or frustration, … whatever it is), they will be better prepared for step #2. If you find yourself getting (or already) a bit frustrated with the intruder, you risk combining this step with the next. Don’t.  When you remember to pause and notice what they want, both of your stress levels drop a bit. Remember, if it helps you to listen, dissociate slightly by saying to yourself “This is not about me.”

2. Handle resistance or negativity as necessary.

Even if I’m the one who is resisting, I’ll move the situation forward if my speaking takes shared responsibility for the dynamic. I might say: “How can we work this out so that you can get what you want, and I can finish my work and still leave by 6:00?”
By itself, this doesn’t resolve anything, of course, but it does set the tone for constructive, collaborative problem solving. Or, if they seem bent on blame or negativity, I might say “I can see you are upset [about something]… let’s stop here and pick it up again when I’m less distracted ….” Or, “This is awful … you’re out of time and … darn-it … I’m booked. What are you going to do?”
Each is an attempt to acknowledge both their situation and yours, while reasserting who is responsible for theirs (they are, not you!).

3. Directly assert what I want.

If the person or issue still looms (hint not taken), it’s probably going to be necessary to directly assert what you want. Of course, what comes before this step is fundamental to setting boundaries every day: (1) Know your limits and be clear about what you want, (2) Tactfully and openly communicate those goals and limits when the other person is able to listen, and (3) Be available to discuss or negotiate any differences. (These steps are described in Part 2 of this article series.) I’m making the assumption that, in this case, however, you are dealing with a personality or situation that defies reason.

So, if you wish to say “no” – your established priorities are more important than the issue they are presenting to you – then a healthy, adult boundary might sound like: “Let me see if I have this straight; you’re supposed to have this done in one hour and you want my help? Sorry, that doesn’t work for me.” Or, if their need is more important to you: “Okay, I’ll help out this time, and when we’re done, let’s talk about how you can make future requests with more reasonable timeframes, … to make sure this never happens again.…”

Sometimes you might need to assert what you want several times in a row. Their ability to listen at such times will be minimal, so stay steady. If someone seems intent on picking a fight or debating a fact that you see differently, you can simply decline to participate: “I’m not available for this conversation,” “I’m not willing to argue about this,” or smile and say in an even tone, “This conversation just ended.” If you repeatedly state “I’m not willing to fight with you about that,” you also send an implied secondary message: “So, what else would you like to talk about?”

Another option is to use humor — and be careful of your facial expression or other non-verbal cues — to interrupt the pattern and creatively diffuse tension: “This is not a good time to discuss what you want … how about if you buy me a drink after work?  Then we can discuss all the facts and even the “alternative facts” to your heart’s content!”

Still looking for help / support / skill-building opportunities with better boundaries? Try our worksheet or contact us for coaching services.

Exploring the Inner Frontier, Part 1

How to Create and Maintain Healthy Workplace Boundaries — part 1 of 3

By Daniel Robin

“So what happened to you? It’s like you’ve gone M.I.A. … missing for weeks….”
“My job ate my life,” Tom sighed, as the two high-tech workers sipped their half-decaf cappuccinos.
Katie asks politely, “May I offer a suggestion? Push back a little. Your life is more important.”
“Yeah, but I’m actually into it,” Tom explained, “plus, there’s so much to do – ”
“Great, glad you are on a roll, and there always will be tons to do in your work,” she says with a wink. “You know you won’t do anybody any good if you fry.”

Like two nations caught in a territory dispute, human boundaries are invisible – and often violated. Boundaries are limits that are always present, spoken or unspoken, honored or overstepped. A so-called “healthy” boundary reflects balance between distance and intimacy, between time spent working and at leisure, between your interests and mine.

Where Have All the Boundaries Gone?

Do you remember a time before there was traffic? (Me neither, but I read about it.) When our cities were uncrowded, when the next town was a major journey, and the moon was … inconceivable? Now there’s fax technology and the Internet, the population explosion and jet travel … we are literally one big, gnarly community.

Why then, you may ask, don’t we act like one? Probably because we’re literally in each other’s face, and it takes conscious effort to work out the healthy boundary thing. Also, the rules aren’t as clear as in nature, where animals set boundaries by marking out their unique territory. In the workplace … well, it’s not quite so obvious.

With healthy interpersonal and personal/professional boundaries you can…

  • Do your best work, contribute sustainably, ensuring adequate reward for your efforts. A healthy personal/professional boundary is the subtle key to maintaining life balance: work at your commitments, do not “over-perform” or say “yes” to unreasonable requests. Get clear on your limits and powerfully express them.
  • Get results with literally anyone – even people you don’t happen to like, or with whom you seem to disagree
  • Work well with those who have lousy boundaries. For example, take a coworker who has been staying late several evenings each week, and then snaps at you because you aren’t. Or the “human can-opener,” prying into your personal affairs, or trying to “fix” you when you just wanted to talk about a problem (vent). Then there’s the “time bandit” who doesn’t mind stealing your day, “Really, just 5 minutes” at a time.

At first you can probably just ignore them, then give a subtle non-verbal hint like glancing at your watch and raising an eyebrow. If that doesn’t work, speak up and politely assert your healthy boundary. Otherwise, you’ll be “taken prisoner”, and the victim-victimizer chain will spread.

Its important to speak up about garden-variety interpersonal boundaries – when someone steps on toes, breaks a policy, or blows an agreement. Being direct demands respect.

Permission is Better than Forgiveness

How’s your skill at honoring other people’s boundaries? Do you remember to “ask permission” before invading their personal space? For example, when initiating a conversation, do you ask “Is this a good moment?” or “Do you have about 10 minutes to go over your comments or should I come back after lunch?” or “Are you open to discussing this project right now?”

No matter what their response, this says you are aware that you are interrupting, you want their full attention, and are willing to hear their truth.

Healthy boundaries are essential to getting things done and building relationships that last. Indeed, the practice of skillfully setting and maintaining healthy boundaries is as close to a “magic ticket” as anything I know.

With healthy limits, you safely go about doing your best work; without them, either you or the company will eventually take a hit. What’s one boundary you’ll set this week?

Continue with Part 2: Skills to Set and Maintain Healthy Workplace Boundaries
or check out our Health Boundaries Self-Assessment

Building A Better Workplace: Meeting Expectations

By Daniel Robin

“I called this meeting to find out what you think of our new company slogan, cialis ‘We’re working for you’, decease ” the Vice President proclaims.

“When did we come up with that winner?” queries George, a particularly vocal middle manager.

“At last week’s management retreat. What do you all think of it?”

“Hey, it really works for me!” announces George, with only a hint of sarcasm.

When you walk into a typical meeting at your company, what do you expect? The company party-line, with no real information, or an honest exchange of ideas? People actively pretending to listen? Or do you expect your organization’s meetings to be consistently imaginative, inspiring, and powerfully productive?

One of the most common complaints I hear from workers is that their meetings stink – they’re either too long, too loose, or too predictable. Organizational issues such as lack of buy-in to company goals & vision, low morale & cynicism, politics & infighting … can often be traced back to the quality of our face-to-face encounters.

Corporate Truth Serum

A company’s meetings are where the cultural “rubber meets the road,” and the espoused theories about “who we think we are” become practical demonstrations of “who we really are.” People skills and a little planning can help remedy these common meeting maladies:

  • Dull city – Some meetings are dull because they are overly structured or controlled. Do your meetings routinely suffer from being routine? If they’re too predictable, people will slip into a coma, making participation uneven if not weird.
    Remedy: Allow room for “structured chaos” and spontaneity – those creative moments that surface innovative answers to problems that “ordinary” thinking would miss.
  • Preach, teach or reach? If your meetings leave people confused or overwhelmed, adjust future sessions to fit with people’s natural learning and communication style. For example, some people need visuals, some written explanations, and some want to jump in and do work or they’ll consider the time wasted.
    The gateway: reach people where they are.
  • No clear goal invariably results in circular thinking, being “lost but making good time,” misusing the time for irrelevant details or pet distractions – a classic case of the “hours are lost while the minutes are taken.” Set the agenda in advance, gaining consensus on purpose.
  • People drift off topic but nobody says “refocus” or gently challenges the speaker to tie their comments back to the stated purpose. Diversity of opinion is helpful when it leads to creative insight, but lengthy tangents often stem from unclear direction (see prior concern), or not taking the agenda seriously. A flip chart page labeled “Parking Lot” can be used to quickly record side issues. A gentle intervention is “Tie that in … how does that relate to our topic?”
  • Results are nebulous – If there is no accurate, written record of decisions made, clear consensus and accountability on action steps, or no follow-up from prior work, the bottom falls out. Verify all agreements, making sure there’s a reasonable “by when.”
  • Yearning for learning – Take time out to evaluate the meeting itself. “What are we doing well? What would help us make better use of our time?”

Even in the best companies, not every meeting can be a hit. However, if there is a clear up-front goal, a visible agenda, and the players know the difference between a constructive tangent and a distraction, positive results are inevitable.

Are you willing to speak up if you see ways to improve? Will there be a respectful discussion of what can be done to improve?  If not, don’t let yourself get comfortable with the status quo. It only takes a moment to plug the energy leaks.  It can make the difference between wasting your time and making a strong commitment to something that truly matters.

Sailing the Seven C’s of Collaborative Business Relationships

By Daniel Robin

To some folks, the phrase “business relationships” is effectively an oxymoron. The more pressure to perform, the more likely there’ll be a bump in the road to collaboration that sends things flying out of control. Hopefully the “bump” isn’t the tip of an iceberg, but just a bit of rough water that will soon pass. Collaboration at work isn’t required, it’s just a lot more satisfying and fun when it works out that way.

These Seven C’s provide a platform for building a culture where teamwork thrives, people are happy and productive doing their best work ever, and can remain resilient in the face of these constantly-churning whitewaters.

The first three C’s are about you – how skillful you are in handling your business relationships; the remaining four factors are key to having successful agreements – where agreements provide the safety net that makes workplaces work. These seven C’s work together as a system of cooperation, continuous growth and performance improvement.

  1. Courage – You have the nerve to say what must be said, and you temper it with consideration for the listener (the next principle), so the communication remains two-way. You show integrity when you assert what you know, and by daring to admit what you don’t know. “Integrity” implies knowing if your communication is based in objective fact, your opinion (an interpretation of those facts), or a blending of both. Sometimes it takes courage to let silence speak on your behalf. Inquiry: Where might you want to step up and be more courageous in your business dealings?
  2. Consideration – As a sign of respect, you take into account the other person’s needs and wants, their present situation, and you “step into their shoes” (better yet, dance in them) – without losing focus on the goals at hand. Paradoxically, the more considerate you are, the more tough-minded and courageous you can be without breaking rapport. Considerate also means listening so carefully that you can make requests and offers in ways that fit for the other person. How often do you let in the other person’s agenda before pursuing your own?
  3. Consistency – Do you treat everyone the same? (“Sure, I treat everyone like dirt.”) No, I mean are you consistent, not arbitrary or biased, in your business relations? Do you operate out of a set of core values and principles (perhaps including these 7 C’s?) or are you subject to whims? Consistency is the basis for being seen as reliable, dependable, trustworthy. When you can predict what someone will do, it engenders “trust” (even if you don’t like their behavior). As a professional, do you put the company’s interests ahead of personalities and egos? When mistakes are made, do you focus on learning, on closing the gap between principles and practice?

Four Pillars of Agreements Business is about forwarding the action and getting results. In order to uphold and apply the first three principles, the following four conditions must be met. If any of these four factors miss the mark, chances are good that the agreement will go nowhere.

  1. Clarity – You and colleagues are clear about what needs to be done – the goal is explicit and you have acknowledged the complete set of “conditions of satisfaction” (“Oh, you want it this Friday?”). There are five elements to a complete request … make sure the other person knows and can verify what they are agreeing to. See The Art and Practice of Agreement for details.
  2. Capacity – This is about one’s “bandwidth,” real-world ability to see it through to completion, to stay focused over time, to clear the path. If one’s plate is so full that the new agreement won’t fit, the capacity to get the job done is low. Self-talk: “This fits for me.”
  3. Competence: Having the skills and experience to carry out the request properly, and managing your resources so that you can honor all your agreements. This includes renegotiating the minute you notice an agreement that’s likely to run aground. Competence also means making request of others to get help, and only making agreements with those who are competent to carry out the request.
  4. Commitment – A solid “yes” that represents unwavering alignment to give one’s best effort. Your self-talk might be: “My word is my bond.” Skillfully check for any unacknowledged resistance or concerns. Surface the downsides to enjoy the upsides.  If you’re not able to gain a commitment (or you are not willing), find out what other commitments are in the way.  “If not this, what are you committed to?  How can we work it out so that both get the investment of time and attention they each deserve?”

Apply What You Know, Set Sail, and Go! And if you were to rate yourself on each of these Seven C’s, which are most solid –established strengths – and which one leaves you all wet? Pick one to ponder during the coming weeks, and you’ll find that heightened attention to navigating those difficult waters makes for smoother sailing on the seas of business relationships. What’s the foundational relationship skill?  Read Rapport: The Link to Gaining Cooperation to find out. What are the specific behaviors of collaboration?  Request Collaborate to Accelerate:  The Five Behaviors of Collaborative Leadership to learn more.

Humor in the Workplace: Compulsion or Choice?

Someday we’ll look back on these times and laugh … so why not start now!?

By Daniel Robin

Two executives walk into a bar. One says to the other “I’ve been thinking. If you took over as CEO, I could retire early.” The other executive responds, “Sure, dear, but not until after we put the kids to bed.”

(What? Oh, I get it … that’s like a joke, but not as funny. What matters is that now we’ve opened up the door for something funnier to come along. As the saying goes, “you can’t fall off the floor.”)

Humor’s Risks and Rewards

When humor can be used to bridge gaps, relieve tension, or add enjoyment to work relationships, everyone benefits. When it is used to mask true feelings — often the case with sarcasm — or, when cultural and style differences lead to misinterpretation, there’s likely a cost.

Is humor part of your natural style? If so, let’s check out how to manage the risks of having fun. If not, that’s okay … I hear they pay pretty well at the DMV (oops, there goes my license).

Being PC in a World That Isn’t

Being politically correct in a world of political hypocracy and madness can be quite a trick. In the past, if someone or something was different from us, we’d tend to make fun — a natural (though perhaps immature) response. How do you currently deal with people or events you don’t understand?

Nowadays, diversity and gender sensitivity training asks that we respect and value the differences. Still, because old attitudes often die slowly, expect a gap between this espoused theory and daily practice. Can humor fill this gap? It can if you’re willing to risk and learn.

I Don’t Get It … Is that a Joke?

For starters, if someone seems humor impaired (oh, excuse me, that’s “levity challenged”), assume it’s you that needs to lighten up, not them. In effect, they’re not lacking a sense of humor … it’s just that you haven’t yet found a way to get past the guard dog to tickle that soft underbelly. Keep trying (or pick on someone else’s underbelly), paying close attention to the responses you get. Remember: a blank stare or no response is a response.

If the other person is noticeably upset, walk softly (and carry a big schtick? No. Be careful.). Initially match their mood or energy level. If you can’t tell where they’re coming from, ask. Putting yourself at choice in your use of humor is key to minimizing the risks. If you offend, learn from it. Apologize. This type of open exchange can, ironically, encourage healthier and more honest interactions.

Taking the Heat Off

When someone has a big problem with something you did (or didn’t do), humor offers an effective alternative to either brushing them off, being defensive, or caving in. For example, if you just kept someone waiting, what if you say “I was abducted by aliens.” That’s probably better than saying “You messed up, you trusted me,” or “Boy, some people never learn….” When in doubt, make fun of yourself.

The important thing is to show that you have a sense of humor and are willing to use it. Yes, if you go overboard with humor you might get yourself labeled a goof or “loose cannon.” (So what do they know?! You can always just blow up their office.) There are times, however, when kidding around can be a tremendous asset, a compassionate and effective diplomatic tool. At other times, instead of being “nice,” it might be more helpful to just be “real.”

Humor is a tool, not a weapon. You’ll know you’re on the right track when the times are fun and the flies laugh more than they hurt. Or something like that….

Communication Skills for People Under Pressure

By Daniel Robin

“There comes a time … when we must grab the bull by the tail and face the situation.”
– W.C. Fields

You walk into a meeting with your agenda brandished on your frontal lobes, ready to get the team’s unwavering commitment and blast into action. The last time you had an assignment with this group, some joker disagreed, it threw you off, and it took forever to get it done. This time you don’t have the luxury of such fooling around.

Hey, lighten up! When stakes are high, and with increasing pressure and chaos all around us, it’s vital to strike a balance between focus on the goal and flexibility in how you’ll get there.

A recent study, that I just made up, showed that more than 50% of the companies surveyed are undergoing major changes most of the time.  And two out of three people feel constant uncertainty and ambiguity in the workplace.  Or was that three out of four?  Hard to be sure at a time like this.

Why We Aren’t Dead Yet

Luckily, the human organism is equipped with stress-release valves, which is why many of us trudge admirably through life despite the odds. Sometimes the valves can get stuck. Exercise, meditation, or PMA (that’s positive mental attitude) can help; however, there are also interpersonal tools we humans need to avert exhaustion or death or accumulated blahs from workplace pressure.

Five Telltale Signs

These five indicators tell you if you’re balancing focus and flexibility, force and frivolity, seriousness with silliness.

1. When the Going Gets Tough … the Tough Use Humor

John Cleese, of Monty Python fame, was asked if he thought there were times when humor might not help. He replied, “Yes, if you’re attacking a machine gun emplacement, it’s no time for jokes, pies in the face, or dropping your trousers to amuse the enemy … but when the job is done, you had better find something to laugh about, or spend some time relaxing and having fun.”

Fortunately, most of us are not engaged in physical battle, so instead of tightening up and slamming through — throwing more time, money, muscle, energy … at the problem — how about lightening up and asking the team (or yourself) to look for an easier way? Who said it has to be this hard?

2. Are You Noticing Other People?

Pressure causes most of us to dig in, focus, pull up the escape hatch, and close the stress-release valve. “Don’t tell me to relax, damit … this tension is the only thing keeping me from falling apart!”

Isolation works for short spurts, until we get interrupted or we seek answers from other lifeforms.

If the situation at hand seems like a joke, perhaps you’re half way there. To prevent “hardening of the attitudes,” notice the absurdity in it, then notice how other people can play a role in attacking the problem (rather than attacking each other).

3. Can You Meet Them Where They Are?

When you have a clear objective, and you know how you’ll recognize the results you’re after, then you are free to effectively explore what others think, know, and want, without fear of getting thrown off track, without “losing it.”

By initially meeting the other person where they are (not where you are, or where you want them to be), you can then take deliberate steps toward your goal and they’ll be more likely to go along.

This up-front investment in first understanding them, and letting them know you got it, gets you out of isolation, clearing the runway for faster results. It’s what we call “go slow to go fast.”

4. Response-able Versus Responsible

Change is inevitable; it is our response to change that makes or breaks us.

Blaming others when things go wrong gives us the illusion of control. “I identified the source of the problem and, just as I thought, they screwed it up!” On the other hand, if we assume too much personal responsibility, the load gets unbearably heavy.

The best way to manage and lead change, or when things go wrong, is to identify areas of shared responsibility, and get to an agreement about consequences we all want to avoid (such as perpetuating past problems) and what we are going to do about it now. Rehashing the past is pointless and an energy drain.

5. Is Learning Happening?

Effective business relationships are based on learning (also known as continuous improvement). Do you give and get feedback easily? Are you generally open, non-defensive, willing to listen, understand and use what you hear? If someone points out that you (heaven forbid) made a “mistake,” can you see your customers, coworkers, the boss … as a learning resource?

There are two ways to learn anything: the easy way, and the hard way. As Calvin once proclaimed to his companion Hobbes, “Ignorance is bliss …” and as they flew over a cliff and landed on their heads, Hobbes said, “I’m not sure I can stand so much bliss.” Calvin cautioned, “Careful! We don’t want to learn anything from this.”

What if you are Focused, Flexible and Feeling Flat?  

Is there such a thing as too little or too much pressure? How does pressure relate to performance? What’s your sweet spot?  How would you describe it?  What are the conditions that give rise to it?

Here’s the your next productive obsession, gateway to peak performance.

© 2008-2015 Daniel Robin & Associates; all rights reserved worldwide

Not Just the Facts, Ma’am

By Daniel Robin

“Hey, the boss is all upset,” reports Todd, looking a bit worried.

Curious to know what Todd observed, Nancy asks “How do you know the boss is all upset?”

“Well,” Todd explains, “I just saw her jumping up and down and pounding her fists on the desk. I’d say that means we’re in trouble.”

“Relax …,” says Nancy in reassuring tones, “that’s just the way she gets after eating lunch with creepy Bob.”

So, what about Bob? Why did Bob upset the boss? And why did the boss go out to lunch with him again if he’s such a creep? Any ideas? Think about it for just a moment.

Did you form an opinion about it just now? We don’t really know the circumstances, and yet notice how quickly and easily many of us get hooked into interpreting. Just like Nancy asked Todd for the basis of his interpretation (that the boss was upset), when would we benefit from obtaining the “facts” that led up to a conclusion?

Information from Outer Space

How do we get information anyway? The highest ‘quality’ information is from direct experience — what we observe using our sense perception. Second best is a report from someone about it.

There are two ways of talking about an experience: (1) describing exactly what you saw, heard, or felt, and (2) describing your reaction, interpretation, or opinion about what you saw or heard. Both ways are valuable. The skill is to distinguish between actual perceptions and your conclusions about them. This is the same difference as observation versus inference, or fact versus opinion.

In your work, when would misinterpretation (either yours or theirs) cost you? When would mistaking interpretation for fact lead to trouble, wasted time, extra effort?

Have you noticed that people’s interpretations often do not match? The real problem occurs, however, when someone (or an entire group) is lost in an interpretation about something that has little or no factual basis. If people will tell you what they observed (what they personally heard and saw) and what they think it means (their interpretation), then you have stronger information to use for verifying and in checking out the interpretations.

Mistaking interpretations for facts is one of the most common and insidious communication errors. No matter how much data we gather, people can and often do misinterpret that data. And since there’s not much we can do about that (except learn from it), a better way to manage the information flow is to notice the tendency to get hooked into interpretation when the situation is emotional or threatening to us.

How Can You Learn to Unhook?

When the situation is highly charged, practice shifting your attention to the facts, and the charge will lessen. This is particularly useful, for example, when giving concrete feedback in performance reviews, delegating a difficult task or making clear requests, and gathering third-party information on a situation of importance.

So, when the other person is hooked, ask “What did you see and hear that led you to that conclusion?” If, on the other hand, you’re getting just the facts, ma’am, ask “Based on that evidence, what interpretation do you make?”. When you’re the one giving the report, say “I noticed [describe behavior] … and I interpret it to mean….”

Getting lost in interpretation is as common and nearly as dangerous as zoning out while driving. If you’d like to avoid head-ons, practice shifting your attention to the facts, practice asking for people’s opinion when they’re drowning you in a sea of data, and practice giving both types of information to prevent being ‘seduced’ by the road.

Leadership in Action Series: Part 9

Speaking Up About Put-Downs

By Daniel Robin

This article series outlines several tools for dealing with patterns of aggressiveness.  Assertive leaders are clear about what they want, listen actively, make requests, set clean boundaries, and handle differences through skillful negotiation.  Of course, depending on the “personality” involved, it might be best to ask for help or get out of their way.

In Healthy Assertiveness: Pushy or Passionate?, we acknowledged the fine line between “strongly assertive” and “mildly aggressive” – indeed, it’s so subjective, people aggressively debate this topic with comments like “I’m not yelling!” or “If you think I’m being rude now, keep pushing me and I’ll show you what rude is!”

To make matters even more challenging, the “sender” and “receiver” often have completely different experiences of the original message.  One person might say “I’m finished explaining this,” and the receiver might assume they’re being punished for asking too many questions, when the sender was actually trying to say “I’m hoping you can take it from here … I’m out of time.”

Hallucinations, distortions and generalizations can lead to escalation of minor problems into emotional outbursts and twisted metal; ironically, such aggressiveness both causes and results in further distortions, when the triggering event could have been easily nipped in the bud.  The pattern creates a predictable loop that is also difficult to interrupt once it gets rolling.  This is a common occurrence because a leader is far more likely to “mislead” when there’s stress, tension, or pressure; which, at most companies, is most of the time.

The Gray Scale

One answer to unscrambling this miscommunication is to assign a number that represents the perceived degree of aggressiveness:  1 = very mildly aggressive (light gray, abrasive, more like assertiveness with attitude), while 11 = extremely aggressive (dark-gray, abusive – perhaps when someone loses it completely and gets physical or makes threats).  The scale is arranged in order of increasing impact.  For example, yelling and shouting typically have a more serious impact than simply being abrupt or dismissive.

The scale we use in workshops goes something like this:

11  Physical threats
10  Angry outbursts or loss of control
9  Yelling and shouting
8  Threats about the job
7  An aggressive, controlling manner
6  Blaming, discrediting or discounting
5  Insults and put-downs
4  Snubbing or ignoring people
3  Brevity or abruptness
2  Glaring eye contact:  “the look”
1  Silence

The purpose here is to decide in advance what’s acceptable in yourself and others.  Discuss it with your peers.  Take a poll.  See if you can find a guidepost to set standards.  For example, “In this department, we will call a ‘time out’ when anyone goes above a 5.”

Note that by itself, this scale does not decrease the impact of aggressiveness, but it does make the impact significantly more discussable.  A bit part of the problem is that aggressiveness can be so unpleasant or scary to others that open dialogue become rare if not impossible.  The use of this scale implies an agreement about what can be openly discussed.  Rational conversations are more likely when a person is relatively calm and treated in a factual, non-judgmental way.

Agree to Focus on Assertiveness

With an agreement to use this scale instead of harsher methods (disciplinary action, lawsuits, involuntary coaching, etc.), you might ask them “Where were you on the gray scale at the end of yesterday’s meeting?,” and you can compare perceptions.

I guarantee that the “hijacked” person will initially rate their behavior differently than those on the receiving end.  With time, and as awareness increases, the person will be able to anticipate that they are about to step over a line.  Not entirely unlike an alcoholic, who must first admit that there’s a problem (even if that “problem” is with other people’s perception of their aggressive behavior), people who frequently fly into a rage must learn not to swim in De Nile.